“I sought the LORD, and He answered me; He delivered me from all my fears.” Psalm 34:4
I have had a lot on my mind and heart, and I have not been able to share it. Tonight I have finally overcame a struggle tonight, during my time with God. I want to be transparent and share with you what God has been helping me in. I hope it encourages you.
I have been struggling with disappointment and fear lately. Mainly because of academics- I got a couple grades I wasn’t proud of. Tonight I finally faced my fears. When I was sharing my heart with God, I told Him: “God, I have this stupid fear that when I surrender all to You, bad things will still happen.”
Ever felt that way? I know it’s opposite to His truth, it was just honestly how I’ve been feeling. My fear is that even if I have surrendered all, I still have to make decisions and carry out those in my actions, and I am afraid that I will screw things up and the outcome is bad no matter how much effort I give it to change.
I struggle with the fear of failure.
It’s something I’ve had to surrender and overcome many times. I can’t control all the outcomes in my life. The other night when I was struggling with this fear and praying, and Jim Elliot’s words came to mind: “He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose.”
It took about six replays tonight, crying and listening to Kim Walker’s song “I Surrender” before I have the faith to sing along. And that’s when I got freedom again.
See, I knew what the problem was, because I know the truth, I was just doubting because it was hard for me. Last semester I trusted God and continually surrendered, but academics still didn’t go the way they needed to, and it made me doubt, I guess. And I blamed myself. And I got consumed with my “failure” (anything much too short of what I aimed for) instead of releasing that to God and allowing Him to love me regardless.
God is greater than our mistakes. And He loves us no matter what reasons we can think of why we’re unloveable.
I kept thinking of 1 John 4:18: “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” I realized that if I am just secure in God’s love for me, I would not fear. Nothing in my life has ever compared to God’s love. I would not trade His perfect love for anything. I would not let fear obstruct me from believing in His great love for me.
My fears are gone. God has replaced them with revelations of His perfect love. I remember- He is always faithful. He is always good. And I know He’s gonna take care of me. I surrendered my fears, my plans, my hopes, my goals, and I said: “I trust You more.” God’s love is worth more than having everything go right. He is my Redeemer, and I know if He is the of miracles. I believe and have faith. I am not afraid. I trust in His word…
… “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are Mine. Isaiah 43:1
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. For I am the LORD your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.” Isaiah 41:10, 13
“Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated…” Isaiah 54:4
You came near when I called you, and you said, “Do not fear.” Lamentations 3:57
When I am afraid, I will trust in You. Psalm 56:3