It’s Him, only Him.

I know what I want to do with my life.

I just want to be close to Jesus and love Him. Faithfully, from the heart, all my days. Every moment that I have breath in these lungs. Out of loving Him faithfully, everything else flows.

I’ve laid my life on the altar and asked Him to take it. I’ve given my whole heart and life to Him, and it belongs to nothing and nobody else.

I’m done with competing desires and dreams. I’m done trying to figure it out. I’m done falling into the pain and disappointment of following after my own heart, which is so easily deceived it seems.

I don’t want anything that’s not Him. All I really want is Him. It’s Him, only Him.

There are many seasons I’ve been through in my 25 years, but the past 16 weeks have been the most painful. Simply, indescribable heartbreak. Yet, amidst it all, God has been my all, my everything- and I have not turned from Him. I can’t. I know how desperately I need Him more than anything. I can’t lose sight of my need for Him, because it’s daily. He is the one who keeps my head above the waters. He’s been my hope when I could not find it anywhere else. He is the One who I know I can put my faith in until the end. He has been the strong arm holding me close to His heart when I could have sank so low.

Nothing can replace who Jesus Christ is to me.

I’m so grateful for Him, there are no words adequate enough to describe the depths of it. I love Him.

His love for me is greater than I deserve, it’s wild and humbling and leaves me in awe that I am loved as completely and perfectly as I am by Him. I know I don’t deserve it, I know His grace is the greatest thing that’s happened to me. Being loved by God is the most life-changing, heart-transforming experience in human existence. I’m moved because the depth of His love is deeper than I ever have dived, but every day He takes me by the hand and draws me in further to see- the beauty of Jesus’ heart is incomparable to any other.

I’m choosing to cherish Him as more precious to me than anything else in this life. God has been showing me the value of enjoying Him in the present, right now. Forgetting the past, forgetting the future, to lett it all fade as I fix my eyes on Him. He’s inviting us in the moment with Him- this moment, not old ones, not new ones, but this one.

He’s beckoning, “Come and be with Me.” Apart from all that’s happened and all that may- simply, just enjoy Him today.

Jesus Christ is the greatest gift I could ever have in this life.

I don’t have to wait until tomorrow for good, I don’t have to look back at yesterday to find what was; Christ is here, and He is everything I could ever want.

There’s nothing I need to search for that’s apart from Him. He is all.

Once we realize this, we stop searching in the memories of what we once had and stop seeking for what we think we lack in our futures.

Christ satisfies. All the longings of the heart can be met at His feet. All we are truly searching for in this life is love, and it’s a love that can only be found in Christ.

I’m finally content.

Not because of life, my circumstances, my finances, my relationships, my possessions, my job, my career, my looks, my acceptance…not anything or anyone but Christ. He is my everything, in every way, and I would not exchange it for the world.

“I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake i have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him.” – Philippians 3:8-9

I want to live every day of the rest of my life like this- loving Him with all my heart, satisfied in Him alone. I want to spend my life with Him. Moment by moment, day by day, until all the years have passed and I’m finally home with Him.

I have let go of all that “has been” and “could be” for what is. I’ve received all I could ever want in this life in having Christ. And every day I will continue on with Him, with a heart that is satisfied in something nothing and no one can take from me.

“In all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” – Romans 8:37-39.

Perspective matters. (Part 1)

We learn so much through trials and testing. The perspective you have while you go through hard times can make all the difference. The way we look at them will affect what is produced out of it: life, or death. If we focus on the negative and the things we can’t control or change, we’ll feel defeated. If focus on the positives, we’ll see what we can gain from it and we’ll grow.

Perspective matters.

God has been adjusting mine a lot lately. I noticed that I’m very guilty of often getting hung up on circumstances. I’ll get frustrated, stressed, sad, or discouraged if I can’t change them or make them how I want them to be. Or if they things aren’t happening that I’m hoping for in my timing. We all do. It’s a normal human response, but God has a better way for us to “deal” with what we go through.

If you stay in the cycle of letting circumstances dictate your attitude or emotions each time you go through every time something that is contrary to your hopes, desires, or expectations, you’d only get more discouraged every time you encounter another one. And we will go through that our whole lives, over and over. You’ll face all kinds of trials, obstacles, and circumstances. Building a better perspective for when you are going through those will help you to overcome them.

God can use trials and the circumstances we go through in life to teach us and grow us in areas we need to mature. He can strengthen us.

Over the past five years especially you could read through what I’ve written and see that most of what I’ve learned has come from trials I’ve gone through. God taught me as I went through circumstances about seeing things from His perspective. That will be a lifelong process for me as He grows and matures me to be more like Christ. I will struggle and not always have the perfect perspective or attitude; but the more I look to God to teach me in those times, the more I will begin to see more clearly through His eyes.

Because there is so much God has taught me about perspective in trials, I’ll just share a few at a time as I can. Here are the first two:

It’s not about just me.
One of the greatest encouragements God has been showing me lately was that everything I go through is not all only about me. One of the worst things I can do is focus on myself when a circumstance arises. Yet all too often, that’s our natural human reaction. We’ll look for ways to protect ourselves, prevent certain things from happening, or control the outcome in our favor. We’ll focus on what we want. God, though, asks us to surrender and trust Him. He wants to open our eyes to His greater purposes in our trials.

My eyes are opening. I’m beginning to see that everything I go through can be used for God’s glory in ways I never imagined.

The other day, I got frustrated and angry that men kept creeping on me at work. At times I felt violated with the way they were treating me or looking at me, and it just made me want to either slap them or hide away from them (neither of which were options). The next day, a co-worker’s father came up to me. He asked me to look out for his daughter because a man was loitering around her all the time and making her extremely uncomfortable to the point she felt unsafe. I was able to sympathize a lot more, and understand what she was going through, because of the day I’d had before and what I went through. I was able to encourage her in how to handle the situation in the future and offer her help and support. I may not have been as courageous in addressing it if I hadn’t of experienced a similar circumstance myself. I realized that maybe God allowed me to have to deal with that the day before so I could comfort her in the way I had wanted to be, and so I could know to offer her the security and support I knew she needed. This was just one circumstance that God showed me that maybe the things I go through that try me actually prepare me to minister to others who are going through something similar. We can’t control what happens to us sometimes, but we can decide what perspective we’re going to have as we respond and work through it.

Whatever you are going through, ask God to use it to give comfort to others. When you overcome and make it through because of Him, what a testimony that will be to give Him all the glory; and an encouragement to someone else of what a difference it makes to have His presence with you through it, and faithfulness to the end of it.

God is the compassionate comforter. You may be wondering, but what comfort does that give us in our trials? What about when I need someone? Well, the honest truth is God is present and He is enough in all things we go through. Many of my trails in life I felt like I was alone as I went through them. Sometimes He brings us someone to comfort and encourage us in the perfect timing and way we need it. Sometimes we need to reach out and find community, support, and encouragement on our own. And other times, He uses those trials to draw us closer to Him. God knows what we need. My greatest encouragement is that Christ understands any trail or struggle we face. God is a God of compassion. God has given us His Holy Spirit who lives in us and is our Comforter. (John 14:26 KJV, Jeremiah 8:18).

There have been times that I desperately needed God’s comfort, and I felt like in that moment, I asked Him for it and did not feel it. I expected an instant soothing of all my emotions. Instead, God spoke to me and said, “Accept my grace for you right now.” He wanted me to understand it was okay to struggle and experience what I was feeling. It was valid, it was okay. I needed to learn grace for myself instead of the easy fix of God just taking away the weight of what I was feeling. He could have, but He allowed me to feel it for a reason to humble me I think. The next day, He encouraged me so much, and it was even more refreshing because of that one evening of wrestling through it. He will be patient with our hearts so we can realize what He has for us and stretch our faith He will answer that prayer; and teach us to wait on Him as we look to Him to do that.

Whatever you go through, remember that God is with you, He’s present there through it all, He will comfort you, and He understands. He will answer your cry; and He will teach you to put your faith and trust in Him as you wait on Him. He’s not expecting you to carry the burden alone, but He wants to cast them on Him so He can sustain you (Psalm 55:22).

In our trials, we can ask God to open up our eyes to see His perspective. He loves to, and He will! Ask Him to show you how what you’re going through is not just about you and to take your eyes of yourself. Ask Him to help you see His purposes in it and the bigger picture. Ask Him to teach, grow, mature, and make you more like Christ through it. Ask Him to use it for the comfort and encouragement of others, and for His glory. Ask Him to be your comfort and to sustain you as you cast everything on Him. The trials we go through are not for dragging you down, but producing growth. Look to Him and He will help you see them through His perspective. It will change everything.

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.”

– 2 Corinthians 1:3-5

Being love.

 

What if every morning we woke up to begin the day and instead of running our minds through a task to-do list, we simply chose to make it our joy to love the most we can? The the most important thing is not getting all these things done, but the most important thing becomes looking for ways to love in everything we do.

That’s how I want to start my days. To wake up and view each day as an opportunity to love.

Consider how that would change every task you may have to do: “Can you take out the trash?” Yes, I’d love to. It’d be a joy. Why? Because serving others is a way to love. Because your actions are flowing from a heart full of love. If it takes love to do it, then I want to. The more we choose to love, the more loving we become; the more we become like Christ. I want God to grow my love for others and I want to live it out; even in the little things.

There have been times when my day was full of things I didn’t really enjoy doing, but I needed to do. I was getting tired and worn out just trying to get it done. God stopped me for a moment in the middle of it and helped me realize that if I viewed everything I was doing as unto Him, it would be more fulfilling. I started saying, “I do this because I love You,” as I did each thing, and almost immediately it became a joy- because I do love the Lord, and I want to love Him with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength! Love can be simply a conscious decision to love. It isn’t always because you feel like you want to; it’s in choosing actions that love that the joy of love becomes more real.

Love takes action. We can’t just say we love God or others and not do things that require love. And real love requires laying down ourselves . It’s not about what we get out of it; it’s about giving freely of ourselves -our time, our energy, anything we have- to truly love others. And in that, it’s not about striving and our efforts. Love is about the heart before it ever is about the hands or head.

Chris Suh said,

“Spiritual maturity is not just knowledge and wisdom. Knowing the Word doesn’t make you mature. Your maturity is shown in your ability to love. To lay down yourself and love.”

Jesus said, “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13). Greater love dies to self to love. Love dies to our impatience, selfishness, anger, forgiveness, our own needs, desires, agenda, and self-interest; and anything contrary…and lets love overcome.

I think if many Christians want a deeper understanding of God’s love, they should live it. Take a day and get to know some people who are homeless. Serve in your church by cleaning it on a evening when no one’s around see that you did it. Get involved at a women’s shelter. Work with children who’ve been abused. Have people over to your house for dinner. Pray for strangers when you see they could use it. Start finding ways to love people like Jesus does and your understanding of His love will deepen. You’ll start to realize how amazing His love is when you participate in it.

1 John 2:6 says, “Whoever claims to live in Him must live as Jesus did.” If we know the way Jesus lived, it was completely selfless. He ultimately laid down His life in love for robbers, adulterers, thief’s, murderers, those who betrayed and rejected Him and crucified Him… the whole world of sinful people. There’s no one He couldn’t love because His love is not based on how worthy we are, but on who He is. Jesus embodied love. God is love, so to do loving things was not a task, but simply Him being who He is.

That’s the way I want to live. That love is not simply even a decision I choose, or an action I do, but it’s who I am. It’s in knowing Christ and being transformed to be like Him, we take on His character. We’re made new into the image of our Creator as His daughters and sons.

Paul Washer said,

“You must be serious not so much about what you do; you must be serious about what you are. Because what you do will flow out of what you are. It’s who we are that affects those around us, not just what we do.”

If we want to love, we must actually become loving; it’s our heart, not just our outward actions that need transformed.

If we want others to come to know Christ, we are His representatives. Charles Spurgeon said,

“The Bible is not the light of the world, it is the light of the Church. But the world does not read the Bible, the world reads Christians! You are the light of the world.”

Jesus said in Matthew 5:14-16, “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.”

Our actions and who we are in this world is a light to others; and we are the ones God has placed here to shine light in dark places where people don’t know God’s love, who haven’t experienced anything like it. Remember the first time you encountered God’s love as real? It was like… I can’t believe a love like this exists.

There are people who don’t know it does.

It’s our purpose to love others with the same love God showed us in Christ. And the way we show that love to others is by loving like Christ did: being love, laying down our lives.

“By this we know love: that He laid down His life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for others” (1 John 3:16).

Jesus said, “By this all people will know you are My disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:35).

Love must be lived. Love comes through dying daily to ourselves. So when I woke up this morning, wanting to take my day as an opportunity to love, the first thing that requires is that I die to self; and then letting the Spirit fill me with His love. We can’t love out of our own strength or efforts; we love because God has poured His Spirit into us that enables us to love. It’s out of the love we’ve received that we give.

“God’s love has been poured into our hearts through His Holy Spirit, who He has given us” (Romans 5:5).

Jesus told His disciples in Matthew 16:24 that if anyone wanted to be His disciples, “He must deny himself, pick up his cross, and follow Me.” If we want to be like Christ and walk with Him, we have to die to self and follow after Him. And if we die to ourselves, it means that old, contrary nature is gone, and now love abides in us, and we’ll continue to die to anything that is not love as we follow Christ.

If we want to become loving, if we want to live love out in all we are and do, John 3:30 should become our prayer- daily:

“I must decrease, He must increase.”

We first ask God to take away everything that hinders love; and then we lay ourselves down, and then we come to Him to be filled with His love so we can pour it out by His Spirit to others in everything we are, everything we do, so they can know and experience the love of Christ.

We should have all the hope in the world.

It’s so easy to get caught up in a negative situation. We’ll bury and suffocate ourselves in the details, in every wrong thing that’s happened.

Worry grows into anxiety, sadness deepens into depression, discouragement develops into despair, frustration explodes into anger, hurt cuts into hatred.

I’ve deteriorated into this state many times. I’ve sunk lower than I’ve ever wanted to, and I’ve carried too much of it alone. At least when you are in community, you have someone to notice and care and help you. To carry the burden, to offer comfort and speak truth and life and show you the light that exists in the darkness that’s wrapped itself around you. But what- what is you are alone in your battle? What if you are isolated and try to continue on your own? What happens then?

You only sink further into the dark. You don’t see straight, or clear. Eventually any glimpse of optimism you once had, any ounce of fight or strength you had in you drains away into weakness and your arms fall lax at your side. It’s no use anymore to even try, because every effort has just resulted in failure. You can’t do it.

Eventually, maybe more rapidly than you expected, all you can think of is how unfixable it all is. How broken you are. Resolution, redeeming it seems impossible and you become hopeless.

You see no end to it. Your pain has no purpose, it seems, and there is no justification for what you’ve experienced. The only things you could ever wish for to make it better will never happen. It’s impossible to overcome. There is no good that can come from this- it’s only caused devastation and wreckage. You feel powerless to change the situation. You can’t end the pain that oppresses you, but you need it to end. No more, I can’t take any more.

So you look to anything that will remove the pain. Naps. Music. Food. Blogging. Shopping. Affection from the opposite sex. 
And that never relieves it. It only temporarily gives you happiness to make you forget the pain; it never takes it away. You begin to realize nothing can stop it. And nobody is there to understand it, no one is there who notices or cares.

So you say screw it. You retreat, you stop trying anything at all. Your pain only worsens. You’ve done everything you can. Now in your most lonely, darkest state, you begin to release that pain by inflicting it on yourself. Self-harm. Maybe drugs, pills, alcohol- anything that ‘relieves’ it for a moment. You begin to own your pain. It’s yours. You deserve it, now. You deserve this. That’s why it all happened in the first place, and so you accept it.

Defeated.

And all the while, there is this tinge of hope within you that if just one person could see your pain, if one fellow human being would notice, if one person would have compassion and show they care- it would be all you need. Because all along, all you wanted was not as much a solution for the pain, but someone to share it with and comfort you through it. A strength to lean upon, a tender touch, a comforting embrace of safety and refuge, a still and solid support to let you know that even if everything seems to be falling apart, you won’t fall completely because they are there to catch you. Someone to hear out every stupid thought and feeling until you realize how silly, overshot, and exaggerated the problems have become in your mind. Someone to make you laugh amidst the snot, sobs, and wet, tear-stained cheeks.

Maybe you didn’t know how to reach out. Maybe you didn’t know who cared. Maybe you couldn’t believe that the ones who cared actually did. Maybe you were afraid to trust them, afraid to expose the broken state of your mind, your heart, your life to them. Maybe you were waiting all along for someone to just prove to you or show you nothing was too dark, terrible, stupid or silly for you to tell them when you were hurting. Maybe you didn’t even realize how inwardly-drawn you were becoming until it was to late. Maybe there were a lot of reasons why you didn’t have the courage to speak up about how you were really doing. Maybe you were bitter because no one asked. Maybe you were convinced that because of past experiences, no one cared. No one cared at all. Maybe that is why you never said a word, even though you longed to. You just could never believe anyone wanted to know about you. And there’s nothing you can do with that. You can’t change people or make them care if they don’t. And why would they?

I know that these maybes are possible for anyone who can picture themselves in this type of state because they were my reasons.

But listen to me. Not only are there people who care, there are many more that care than you realize. And you’re right to assume some don’t care. Don’t worry about why, or wonder. Just find the ones who do. Humble yourself and be honest with them about your need for someone to know and care. Begin with family, if you know you can go to them. Go to someone in your church who’s older and has shown concern for you or you feel you could trust. Doesn’t have to be your pastor. Could be that older lady who always asks you how you are and gives you a hug. The point is, if you don’t try someone and just see if they care, how will you ever know? And if you don’t speak up, if you don’t reach out, if you retreat into yourself, how will you ever find another hand to help pull you up? Some other options would be to also see a counselor; when my depression became harmful to me and threatened my health, I decided I needed to seek out professional help I could confide in and who had the time to listen and the ability to help me sort out everything I’d internalized. I also think it’s really important to find a couple friends who are patient listeners, will point you to Jesus and will pray over you.

Most importantly, it’s not just that we need community, friendship, support. No matter if you are at the beginning of a hard time or deep into the darkest part of your pain, there is one person you need to go to the most. That person is not a man but is God. Because more than anyone, God has the power to help you overcome and to give you hope. You can trust Him. He is your Healer. He understands your pain, your sorrow, your fears. He knows you more intimately than anyone else could because He created you. His Holy Spirit is your Comforter. Jesus Christ is your intercessor. He is interceding for you. You can pray to Him and call to Him for help and when you do, have faith that He loves you, hears you, and will answer you.

“The righteous cry out and the Lord hears them;
He delivers them from all their troubles.
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
                                                (Psalm 34:17-18)

God is your hope. He won’t fail you. He won’t leave you. He is always there. And He wants you to give your burdens to Him because He is strong enough to take them.

God is greater than anything you face. He is loving, good, just, merciful, strong, majestic, righteous, true, light, worthy, glorious, exalted, holy, pure, perfect, blameless, unfailing, wise, all-knowing, present, upright, and faithful. He is our Father, Savior, Healer, Comforter, Redeemer, Friend, Creator, Maker, Provider, Sustainer, Lord, Hiding Place, Refuge, Fortress, Rock, Strong Tower, Defender, Deliverer. He is Most High, King of Kings, Beginning and End, the Way, the Truth, the Life, Shepherd and Overseer of our souls, Eternal, Everlasting. He is love.

If we believe God is all He says He is, then we should have all the hope in the world. We should have more hope than anyone. We should have so much hope no matter what our circumstances that we have to let others know the hope that is in Christ and trusting Him with your heart and life.

I understand what it means to hit the bottom and think there is no way up. I understand being alone in your darkest times and thinking there is no hope, and being desperate for help. You may believe it’s too late, and it’s too far gone to be recovered. But there is hope still.

If you really are sick of being in that place, if you truly want to know what it’s like to have real joy, peace and to feel the warmth of living in the light again- look to Christ. He is the answer. He is the rescue you’ve been waiting on. I’m not saying that to give false hope or promises, I’m saying it because it’s true.

Are you going to believe He is who He says He is? Will you trust Him? Do you believe that He is bigger and above anything you are facing in life right now?

He is the Conqueror, victorious, Mighty One. What is broken, He makes whole. What is ruined, He redeems. What is impossible is not impossible for Him. There is hope and His name is Jesus. He is our hope. We just have to seek Him and never stop. We have to fix our eyes on Jesus- no on the problem or the pain. We will not overcome on our own, or even if we have people to help us. We will overcome because of Christ, and because we trust in Him and put our full faith in Him alone.

You don’t have to be defeated. You can overcome, and you won’t be alone.

Verses for encouragement: Psalm 55:22, Psalm 31:24, Psalm 71:20-12, Psalm 34:19.

The Thief vs. Fullness of Life

Long drives are good for the soul.

Windows rolled down, music blending into the sound of the wind rushing in as my thoughts took over, I realized-

I have been letting my past define my present. I’ve been letting the pain of yesterdays ruin the joys of today. I’ve been racing to the end. I’ve been stuck in this hope that when I leave, I will finally heal. But even once I make it, I realized- that doesn’t mean it’s the end. This isn’t the only time I will experience great pain in my life. Pain, tragedy, hurt, discrimination, mistreatment, discouragement, obstacles, brokenness- it will happen again. Things will happen that I don’t understand. Things will happen that shouldn’t. It will look different, but I can’t control circumstances. Loved ones die, people can be cruel, and we struggle. That’s life.

But to dwell on the bad things that have happened is anti-productive. Yes, it’s hard to move on. Yes, it’s difficult to overcome. Yes, it still hurts sometimes. But I have to decide to leave the past in the past. I have to realize, right now, Christ is making all things new. He is redeeming. He is restoring. He is working all things for His glory. Don’t I want to be a part of that?

I just realized, dang, I used to enjoy college. I used to have fun. I used to create memories and feel joy being in community. Why can’t I now?

Yes, things have changed. I’ve changed. Most the people who knew me are gone now. But look, there’s opportunity today to have fullness of joy. It’s been so obvious to me that life has not been the way God desires for me to go through it. I’ve lost my delight. My joy. My freedom.

When I’m at college, I feel like I’m not myself, as if I’m suppressed from being who I truly am. I thought it was the environment, or community, since it only changes when I come here. I’ve said lately that I feel like the person I am at college versus the person I am at home is like night and day. I haven’t been able to figure out how to change that. I realize now what change needs to happen.

The truth is, it’s time to stop focusing on the bad things that have happened and be thankful for every little evidence of His goodness. From start to end. I want to walk through every single day the rest of this semester with a grateful heart full of praise. I am done dwelling on the past, it is behind me, and I can’t change what’s happened.

I know I haven’t fully healed, but I think it’s because I’m still hurt, and I’m still hurt because I’ve had difficulty forgiving. I was reading Matthew (6:14-15; 18:21-2) and was realizing that Christ has forgiven me, but I’ve bitterly kept a record of wrongs; certain individuals treat me -over and over- wrongly, and I hold it against them. Jesus is asked by Peter “How many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”” And Jesus answers him, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” I let that sink in and realized, dang, what if these people had wronged me seven times, or seventy-seven times in one day? How many times do I have to forgive a repeat offender?

And then I realize how much Christ forgives me. And how He’s set the example. He’s forgiven me for more sins than anyone has done against me. And He holds no record. He remembers them no more. Then why do I? What right do I have to do that? I don’t.

I’ve harbored hurt. And now it’s my time to learn how to say, “I forgive” and choose to forget that they even did that. I need to wipe the slate completely clean, and look at them as if they have never done anything. I was so convicted reading Jesus’ words in Luke 6:32-33:

““If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that.”

I need to love those who do not love me. Who treat me the in the way opposite of love. I need to love them. Christ set the example for me.

“He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities.” – Psalm 103:10

God has shown me so much mercy. I should walk in mercy, too.

This is getting long, but I just wanted to write that this is a turning point for me. I’m going to forgive, I’m going to forget the record of wrongs, I’m going to love, I’m going to allow Christ to bring healing to those areas, I’m going to delight in the Lord again and find my joy in Him. I’m going to let go of the past and let it be done. I’m going to look at Christ’s example and live it. And I’m only going to be able to do this by emptying myself of all the crap that’s been held up inside and giving it to Him. I’m only going to be able to do this by surrendering it all at His feet and trusting Him. I’m only going to be able to do this by dying to myself, and daily slaying my flesh. I’m only going to be able to do this by the power of the Holy Spirit.

I’m not going to continue on from this point the way I have been. The thief has come only to steal, and kill, and destroy, and I’ve experienced enough of that. Christ came so that I would have life, and have it to the full (John 10:10). And that is the life I’m going to live. No more letting the thief in.

There has been so much good that has come about because of the things I’ve been through. And every single moment of the way, God has been consistantly good, unfailing, faithful, loving, patient, and generous. I’m so blessed. And even if I can’t make sense of all the things that have happened, the pain I have experienced, I no longer have to let it hold me. I can let it go.

Every day I get to worship God and see His goodness. I get to praise Him every day. I get to live in the fullness and know Him more. I get to grow and I get to experience the joy of being loved by God and learning to show that love to others. I get to represent Christ in the way I love, act, and respond. What a privilege. I get to give Him glory. What a joy.

Intimacy

We were created for intimacy.

We were created for intimacy with God first.

Even though God created Eve for Adam because “it was not good for him to be alone”, we must always remember that our needs for intimacy should be fulfilled through our relationship with God first. Otherwise we will seek out unhealthy intimacy with others.

Unhealthy intimacy is when we are focused on self, our needs, our wants, and our desires. It becomes all about mostly taking, not giving, and about gaining attention for ourselves: we become selfish. This can happen in both friendships with someone of the same or different gender. And in the end, it’s not a very enjoyable intimacy when one or both persons are focused on themselves.

I heard someone say that the goal of intimacy is enjoyment once. I agree that one of the fruits of our relationships is enjoyment, but I don’t think it’s the goal. The goal is that our relationship with God should be reflected with our relationships with others, and through our relationships we learn to become more like Christ. We learn to love them as Christ loves us. Jesus said, “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13). So as we get to know others more intimately, it is for the purpose of learning to love them as Christ does. It’s not about self. If our goals are seeking to meet our needs and only our enjoyment, then we are going to end up not able to love them with that greater love by surrendering ourselves.

It seems that relationships today are more and more about self. “It’s about me.” We try to find what we want, what meets our needs, and we’re dissatisfied when we don’t, or when it doesn’t ultimately satisfy our wants or needs. That is because in our relationships, we should be seeking most of all to love others in the way Christ loved us- as we grow in deeper knowledge of Him through intimacy. We can’t pursue intimacy in our relationships with others apart from a relationship with God and a right view of what relationships should be.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer said that non-Christians see relationships as things that they do themselves. It is a direct process between two people, with no intermediary steps. By contrast, Christians do everything through Jesus. He is Mediator, both between God and man, and between man and man. This is part of what makes it so hard to have and cultivate a Christian relationship. It strikes at the heart of man’s pride, because it calls us to admit that we are not self-sufficient, and to surrender something to Christ that we thought we could do ourselves.

If we are simply just seeking intimacy because we were created with that need, we are not going to be fulfilled in our relationships. Because then it’s only about us. But, if we are seeking to learn how to love each other in the way Christ loves, and to point one another towards Him, we will find great joy and fruit that honors and glorifies God. And others will be able to be blessed by it, too. 

“No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and His love is made complete in us.” John 4:12

Open my eyes to see Your beauty

I was simply walking by the tent. The music coming from the band inside was beautiful, but wasn’t what drew me in. The moment her voice reached my ears, I heard it. The love. The desire.

Lord, I come
to worship and adore
humbling myself
I bow before Your throne
Lord, I come
to bring my offering
humbly I lift hands up high and sing

(“Adore” by The Ember Days)

I didn’t even know the words, I didn’t know who the people were leading the worship, I just knew this is worship, and I was going inside to join.

The moment I stood there in the grass, I was engaged and lost in worship. He was right there. He was present, and He was worthy of every breath coming out of our lungs filled with love and praise. Everything around me -the other people, the heat, the itchy grass I knelt in, whatever else might be going on in that moment- faded completely.

I can’t even describe that time of worship I had there that day at Cornerstone Festival last summer, but it was unforgettable. It was so pure, so beautiful, so full of love. My heart was in it deep. And if I could capture the most simple essence of what happened there, it was that we were just delighting in Jesus.

Here am I, Lord
How would You have me adore?

There is nothing else quite like being lost in the wonder of God’s beauty.

To be in His presence, overwhelmed with all He is.

It has been awhile since I have been in that place. My eyes wandered and fell upon distractions; I lost sight of His glory. My love for Him waned, my worship became more about expressing my feelings than adoring Him. My thirst for Him was based on my obvious need, not desire. Because of that, I also felt a sense of guilt most times I did come into His presence. Something was missing, but God had to reveal it to me. He did today, as I was seeking God and asking Him about this.

I ended up watching a sermon by Paul Washer titled “The Beauty of Jesus Christ”. He said,

“Real Christianity is this: ‘If you could catch one glimpse of how beautiful He truly is, you’d have no problem with the rest. Seek His face. Seek His beauty. That’s it.

Men, you weren’t crazy about your wife before you met her…there wasn’t anything to be crazy about. You didn’t know her. You didn’t know her face, you didn’t know what she’d look like or anything. But man, when you saw her- and it hit you like a ton of bricks, looked like you’d been run over by a train. You forget about all those other important things. You caught one glimpse and it was over. Everything in your life now changes. Things you did care about, you don’t care about anymore. Things you didn’t even dream existed you know exist. What was that? You caught one glimpse.

And hopefully, the more you come to know this person, the deeper your love.

Now I’m talking about a frail relationship between two human beings, both of who have great flaws. Now imagine this: you know what salvation is? You are walking along one day totally blind to the glory of God, and God pulls off the blinders.”

As I listened to this message, I realized I had lost sight of the beauty and wonder of Christ.

But I remembered it,

And thinking of it, my heart longed after it like never before.

The heart-trembling, humbling majesty of the King of Kings.

And in that same breath, I felt so much hope, because I also remembered how all it takes is just a glimpse. All it takes it one look and I know, I’ll be ruined again. (In the best way possible). Because I’ve been there, and once you’ve experienced the glory and beauty of Jesus Christ, You don’t ever want to lose sight of it again.

All I need to do is turn my head.

All I need is to put my attention in the right direction.

Like the time I walked past that tent, unaware until I glimpsed it- there. His beauty.

And immediately I couldn’t stay away, I couldn’t help to be drawn in, all I could do was adore. That is what the beauty of Christ does when You catch a glimpse of who He truly is.

Worship all comes back to seeing God, knowing Him, and loving who He is with all that we are. He has pursued me, and I will seek Him. I want to love Him more. I want to love Him and adore Him like never before. If I could pray anything right now, it would be that the the prayer of my life be like David’s prayer: “One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple” (Psalm 27:4). I want to be captivated once again, that He would capture my heart completely. That my gaze would be forever fixed on Him, and I could lose myself in worship to Him with everything I am.

“Give unto the LORD the glory due to His name; Worship the LORD in the beauty of holiness. Honor and majesty are before Him; Strength and beauty are in His sanctuary. Oh, worship the LORD in the beauty of holiness! Tremble before Him, all the earth” (Psalm 29:2; 96:6, 9).

Seasons of Loneliness and Isolation: You’re Growing

Seasons of being alone and isolated can actually bring about a lot of spiritual growth.

I have been through many long seasons of being alone or completely isolated in the past two or so years. I have experienced those seasons both negatively and positively based on the posture of my heart during that time.

I noticed some patterns in those seasons that others who have gone through a similar time could identify with:

• bitterness
• sadness
• depression
• self-pity
• despair
• giving into sin to temporarily satisfy desires instead of waiting for God to answer or meet those
• feeling trapped or helpless
• uncared for, unloved, worthless
• insignificant, unnoticed
• emptiness
• ‘completely alone’
• hurt and intense pain
• self-protection, shutting out others
• self-loathing
• turning inward, self-focus

I could go on, but you get the idea. These times can be very painful and full of brokenness, but they can also be full of deep joy and intimacy with the Lord. They do not have to be like I described. I found some of my greatest times of growth and development spiritually as a person were the times when God stripped everything else in my life away (literally) and it was just me and Him. That season, and others like it, were not without a purpose. When I looked to and turned to Him during those times, these are some of the things He used it for in my life:

• growth
• being broken down and stripped of negative things
• repentance and freedom
• shedding, giving up and removing what needs to go
• deep joy that is more than a feeling
• greater intimacy with the Lord
• new revelation, more understanding in the Word
• more time with God in solitude
• seeking, listening, praying
• attuning your ears to know His voice, hear Him more clearly
• submission and re-aligning of the heart
• authentic worship and refreshing moments in God’s presence
• love for God maturing
• positioning of God as first and greatest love in my heart and of my life

God is molding you during that time. One of the most important things you can do during those times is to look to Christ and keep your eyes fixed on Him. He has been through isolation (in the desert for 40 days He was alone and completely removed from everything). He can give you the strength to persevere through it.

It isn’t the easiest thing to choose to run to Jesus sometimes, for whatever reason, but if you do, no matter how you feel, and keep running to Him, He will meet you there. He is always present but we have to seek Him daily. I can’t tell you, you just have to experience it for yourself, but learning to delight yourself in God, in being in His presence day-by-day, no matter what season you are in, is so incomparable. It is the best. That is where you find all your heart is longing for. It’s in Him.

It is so easy to feel sorry for yourself or feel sad about where you are at in that position, I know, but it actually is a needed season every one of us need to go through. Just because it is hard doesn’t mean it isn’t beneficial. Simply come to Him with your whole heart; He’ll do the work.

God uses those seasons of being alone and isolated to draw us closer to Him, to refine and mold us, to strip away what isn’t needed, and largely to shape us into who we need to be. We’ll come out of it a more whole person with our identity based on Christ and His truth (and not anything else). The reward is so much greater than the suffering. It is hard; but you are not truly alone, and it doesn’t last forever. It may seem like it lasts longer than you ever wanted to endure, but it is less and less miserable if you find your comfort, peace, and encouragement in Christ. That is the whole point- to bring you closer to Him. We should praise God for those times. They will shape you into who you are today and God can use them to do mighty things in your heart!