Honoring God

That’s what healthy relationships are built on.

God has been teaching me a lot about how to have healthy relationships.

I have to say, I am so thankful for the brothers and sisters in Christ He has used in my life to show me how to pursue that. There are people in my life or that I have interacted with that probably have no idea that God has used them in that way, but He has, and I am beyond thankful for:

1. Brothers who have kept themselves to a standard of how they interacted with me that was honoring to the Lord and protected me so I could conduct myself in a way that honored the Lord. The way they conducted themselves shaped the way I conducted myself towards them. You have no idea how helpful that has been to me. I’m so grateful for those men.

1. Sisters who have shown me what it means like to have deep, encouraging relationships that build each other up and point each other to Christ. Women who took the time to get to know me, my heart, my struggles; women who listened and who spoke truth into my life when I really needed to hear it. They made such a difference in who I am and have blessed me by their genuine interest in loving me.

I can honestly say that while I don’t have a good social life or enough close friendships, God has been growing me towards the relationships I need, and teaching me how to set myself to a standard so they can be healthy and honor Him.

God has been challenging me all summer in two very specific areas:

1. Seek out close relationships with women and choosing to share my heart with them.
2. Setting myself to a standard on how I interact with guys and sticking to my convictions on boundaries.

Sometimes it is a lot easier to just take friendships as they come when you just need and want people to be your friend. But it is so much better to follow God’s wisdom in this area.

I am not going to write out all the things God convicted me about changing, the things that I feel I must do to have healthy relationships, or get into detail about the standards God is calling me to set for myself, but I will tell you-

When you seek the Lord, when you truly desire to honor Him in your relationships, when you are honest with yourself about your struggles and temptations, when you ask Him to help you and show you how to love the people around you with purity, how to be a blessing and encouragement to them, how to serve them and how to have healthy relationships- God will guide you. The Holy Spirit will teach you.

I am so thankful that I don’t have to try to do this on my own, and that I don’t have to figure it out on my own. I’m thankful I can simply seek God and He will show me. I’m thankful for the people He’s used in my life to push me towards seeking that out. I’d really encourage you, too, to take the time to ask God about this, to search your heart, and to listen to what He has to say and show you. And if He gives you things to change, and you start doing those, you will be amazed at how rewarding it is to stick to those, and how blessed you and others will be by it. That’s my encouragement for today.

Friendships: Take Action, Reach Out, Speak Up

“Relationships are your responsibility.”

The very second I heard my pastor say this, it hit me like a brick with conviction. I’ve spent a lot of time blaming others or circumstances and making excuses for my lack of friendships.

“You have to take responsibility.

You need to reach out.

If you’re having a hard time, reach out all the more.

You can’t have unfair expectations of others for them to see how much you need them.

People often can’t see that. Often from the outside looking in, to them, it looks a lot better than from where you are, from the inside looking out, where things often look worse.

YOU HAVE TO SPEAK UP.

Don’t hint, communicate what you need.

People actually do care a lot, but they can’t always see what you’re not telling them.

Have the courage and go to someone you know you can trust and just tell them, “This is a difficult time in my life.” They’ll listen. And don’t say there isn’t anyone, because there always is. There is.

It’s dangerous to be independent or too dependent when it comes to relationships.

We need good, godly relationships.

Ministering to one another in love is an incredible thing.”

It is.

Don’t miss out on it because you’re so busy blaming others or being bitter or sitting back waiting and hoping on something to happen.

Take action, reach out, speak up.

I can tell you this is some of the best advice my pastor has given on relationships and I just wanted to pass it on, because I think it will make a big difference in the area of friendships if you actually do something in response.

We are all one body in Christ Jesus, we need each other, and when one part suffers, we all suffer with it. And when you rejoice, we want to rejoice with you.

You may have been hurt or have things like fear or insecurities that hold you back, but it’s time to act and not stay where you are.

We are stronger when we are one, when were are together. when we actually need and support one another.

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?” (Ecclesiastes 3:9-11)

Grace to depart

“Then He said to them all: “If anyone would come after Me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow Me.” – Jesus, Luke 9:23

Life in Christ is a life of dying to self; we have to leave things of the past, deny ourselves, and follow Him.

I want to become more like Christ, I want God’s will for my life, and I do not want my own will, desires, or anything of self to hold me back or hinder the work He desires to do in or through me.

Sometimes it’s really hard to yield your will to God’s.

And when you finally surrender to the fact that Jesus is better, and you choose His ways over your own, it isn’t painless.

It hurts to die to self. To crucify your own will, nail your desires to the cross, when it’s what you really want.

But if we don’t let those things die, how can new life spring up? It has to die. Death is painful, especially when we don’t want it to die, we’ve kept that hope or desire or (fill in the blank) alive for a reason.

Sometimes God shows us something to give up to Him that seems completely good and right, but He knows that there’s something better He has in store, and so He instructs us to let go and trust Him. We won’t understand. But that is exactly where He wants us: completely depending on Him, being tested in our faith. Will we put our faith in Him?

If we are growing in our faith, we are always moving forward with God as His Holy Spirit leads us. We don’t stay in the same place forever, but we’ll stay there longer if our hearts are unwilling and discontent to go on the journey that will get us where He’s taking us (think of the Israelites in the desert, who wandered 40 years before arriving at the promised land).

Moving forward to a new place means leaving the old. Over and over, I read in the Bible, God calls his servants, “Arise, and go-“!

Will we answer His call? Where is God calling you? And are you willing to leave behind whatever you must to follow Him?

We get comfortable in where God has us. We find security. And God does not call us to be comfortable or secure in where we are or what we have. He calls us to live a life of faith, where He is our security and comfort.

Every time I’ve departed something, it’s been painful. No, I didn’t want to leave, no, I didn’t want to give that up… I struggled. But God revealed His faithfulness, His trustworthiness, and I finally gave up each thing as I realized He was worthy of laying that on the altar. I would give anything, no matter the cost, if only His will could be done in my life. Yet every time He tests me in that, letting go doesn’t come easy right away. After letting go, though, after time, after I died to whatever was gone… the new life He took me to was always so worth it.

I recently had to depart a friendship, which my will was not in. But by obeying God’s instruction, I can only say it has pushed my faith to grow in His ability to lead me into what He has in the future, and that I can trust Him on the journey to what’s ahead. He only knows, but I desire His will to be done more than my need to understand it. I have to ask God to change my heart and will to become one with His, because if I let my will live while trying to follow His, I will be miserable always wanting to return to what I still want. It has to die.

See, we are the ones changing, more than our circumstances.

He has a purpose. He has instructed me for a purpose, and is commissioning me. In being commissioned, there is a leaving. “Leave your friends, leave your family, leave your possessions, leave your home.” That does sounds like Jesus when He called His disciples, doesn’t it?

“Come, follow me.”

I will leave and follow Christ. And I can’t hold onto the past and move forward. I can’t bring it all with me; I have to leave it behind and believe there are better things ahead with Him.

God gives us grace to depart. We just have to be obedient to His instruction and have faith in His leading. The Commissioner is behind you with everything He has and will not let you fail as you trust in Him.

“See, the former things have taken place, and new things I declare; before they spring into being I announce them to you.” (Isaiah 42:9)

“Your kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” (Matthew 6:10)

It used to be simple

One of us gets a hold of each other.

Tea and prayer at my place?

Would you like to get some coffee?

Then,

What time works for you?

We weren’t really meeting for tea or coffee as much as we were for company.

We’d meet up and catch up and share our hearts. We’d joke and laugh. Most of the conversation was filled up with what God had been teaching us or how we’ve seen Him work. We’d share our struggles and the hard stuff as openly as our joyful praises. We’d spend a lot of time praying. 🙂

Suddenly I’m in a different place in life and just getting back on my feet again. Everything has changed, especially my friendships. I’ve not known where to start, with where I’m at now, but I’m very aware of how much I need another godly woman in my life, one that I can meet with for a couple hours. I kept waiting because I didn’t know who it should be. But today God helped me see who they are.

I realize I grow a lot more when I have a close sister in Christ I can meet and talk with. Someone who can take to time to listen to me. Someone to share about life with; what’s important, what’s happening, what’s on our hearts and minds. Someone to share my thoughts with- even if they’re silly. Someone I’m not afraid to just say something that I need to -knowing I might need corrected for thinking the way I might be. Someone to be honest with.

I want to be challenged and encouraged more than I have been. And I want to be the same for them, too. I have guy friends who are great listeners and encouragers, but this kind of fellowship is not their place, nor a level of intimacy that is appropriate. Accountability should always be with someone of your own gender, too.

You can have good friends, close family, but you need a close sister if you are a woman. Guys need a bro.

I am sharing this because I think it’s not just me who has realize this about my life, and I want to encourage young women especially (and young men) to find someone (or two) to have fellowship with that’s of your gender and can encourage you and keep you accountable.

I used to have a lot of people like this in my life and it’s (past) time to pursue that again and stop being a lone ranger of sorts, content to keep to myself.

The truth is: it’s still simple.

“Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another–and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” – Hebrews 10:25

“As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” – Proverbs 27:17

“Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body.” – Ephesians 4:25

“The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man is he who listens to counsel.” – Proverbs 12:15

Forsake and follow

Today was wonderful, a really great day. But after hanging up from a conversation on my cell phone with a good friend of mine, my eyes welled up with big tears and spilled over my cheeks. After crying awhile, I looked for my mom, because I needed someone to talk to- but she’s asleep. Everyone else has already tucked in for the night.  I’m sitting on my bed with a lamp on, the dark night quiet outside my big bedroom windows.

I’m broken.

After being so encouraged lately, this feels like ten steps backwards. Like I’m returning to that place of hopelessness again, and I don’t want to. That’s how I felt when I was sick. I’ve finally been feeling well lately. I can’t be pulled down again, when I’ve come so far.

God turned my mourning into rejoicing, my tears into smiles, my sadness into joy.

I feel like my heart is still healing, God is still warming it with His love. With His word and what I’ve been reading, He’s been awakening me. Before I go to bed each night, I open my Bible and read the chapter I come to first. It’s been amazing how much God has stirred up my heart through that. As I close my eyes to rest, I spend time in prayer.

Tonight, it’s tears. And an aching in my chest.

I want to give it all for God. I have. But I feel like He gives me a great friendship, only to take it away right when I need it most. God, what are You doing?!?

I know He knows how much I need friendships like the ones that I keep losing. Brothers and sisters who are passionate about the Lord, live for Him, get excited about the Word. We both have this unity of heart and see life through God’s eyes, a passion to live out this vision for our world that is gospel-inspired. It’s one of the most encouraging and inspiring things I could share in. Friends like this are rare!

Without these friendships, I carry on in my passion for the Lord feeling a bit alone, and hungry for encouragement and to hear about what God is teaching others or doing in their lives.

I don’t want to lose them. Each friend brings something special another doesn’t quite have.

I’ve already lost so many friends. I’m already so far from them.

I just want friends with like-hearts for the Lord who want to pursue Him with me.

And I can’t understand why God wouldn’t want me to have that, or why He removes me or these friendships from my life. It’s so beneficial for my faith. I grow so much through being in relationship with other believers.

Two days ago, I began reading Radical by David Platt. Awesome book, definitely agree with everything I’ve read so far. In the first chapter, Platt wrote a section on total abandonment. Those words come to mind now:

Even [Jesus’] simple call in Matthew 4 to His disciples – “Follow Me” – contained radical implication for their lives. Jesus was calling them to abandon their comforts, all that was familiar to them and natural for them.

He was calling them to abandon their careers. They were reorienting their entire life’s work around discipleship to Jesus. Their plans and dreams were now being swallowed up in His.

Jesus was calling them to abandon their possessions…

Jesus was calling them to abandon their family and their friends. When James and John left their father, we see Jesus’ words in Luke 14 coming alive.

Ultimately, Jesus was calling them to abandon themselves.

Will I abandon everything to follow Christ? Will I give up even the comfort of friendships if that is the cost?

Why is it that it’s not too much to give my life, everything I own, or my career up for following Jesus, but when it comes to wanting fellowship and encouragement from fellow believers, I struggle so much with trusting Him? Why is it such a heavy cost to my heart?

A page later Platt writes about how we are trying to twists Jesus into a version we are more comfortable with, and one of the descriptions is:

A Jesus that would not expect us to forsake our closest relationships so that He receives all our affection.

God, is this what You are doing?

Is He asking me to forsake my closest relationships so He receives all my affection? Are these friendships I treasure that bring good fruit in my spiritual life something He wants me to abandon, or surrender completely over to His will knowing He may say, “This is goodbye for you and this person, Breanna…”?

The joy and fulfillment of knowing Christ is infinitely greater than all else. So what can I do?

Get on my knees and draw closer to God than ever before.

Leave it all at the foot of the cross and let Him do as He wills with my life.

You give and take away

My heart will choose to say

Blessed be Your name

These are hard words to sing to Him genuinely, because it’s painful. But as I was reading in Isaiah 57:15 today,

For this is what the high and exalted One says—
He who lives forever, whose name is holy:
“I live in a high and holy place,
   but also with the one who is contrite and lowly in spirit,
to revive the spirit of the lowly
  and to revive the heart of the contrite.”

He is with me, and will revive my heart, no matter how contrite it is right now.

I’m just struggling a lot with this.

Would it have been worse not to know them at all, or to know them and then lose them?

Because the latter is more painful.

Intended for harm, used for good.

“You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done…” Genesis 50:20

What was intended for harm…

The past 16 days I’ve been sick in bed with acute pharyngitis, strep throat, fever, and fatigue. I spent my entire Thanksgiving break in bed instead of being productive or enjoying people that are dear to me and I’ve missed. I’m a Senior at a very academically rigorous university. I’ve spent the majority of my last two weeks of the semester missing classes and important assignments. I’m taking COM480, my hardest college course, where you use everything you’ve learned in college and show it through a big project; I chose to publish a Christian young adult magazine online – and I didn’t know what was going to happen because I’ve been unable to work on it. I missed hanging out with friends and spent the majority of my time alone in my room. I couldn’t walk, much less go running (which I love to). I’ve gone to the doctor once and the E.R. two times- one of those days being yesterday.

Needle bruises. The right arm was worse, so I spared you 😉

I’m very sore and bruised from all the needles that got stuck in my arms and the IV. All the strength in my body feels completely drained. Most of all, being this sick for this long is frustrating. I just want to be in good health again. I had to fight discouragement and worry most days.

…God used for good

My family and friends and people I didn’t even know have prayed for me. I feel so loved and blessed. I am blown away by friends who would come by just to pray for me, bring me food because I couldn’t get out of bed, buy me tea and soup to feel better, drive me to the hospital (one friend left his date to drive me)…countless acts of love and care. Professors had their whole class pray for me. Classmates were writing me letters of encouragement. Student organizations prayed for me. I have never been so covered in prayer as now.

I was so humbled because I’ve had to depend on people and not myself. I was needy. I’m always so strong, independent. Being sick stripped that all away and left me entirely weak and dependent. I’m someone who always wants to be able to help and serve others, not the other way around. I had to ask people to help me because I couldn’t do anything for myself. I had to stop worrying if I was bothering them or inconveniencing them and trust they cared enough they didn’t mind at all, like they said. God grew my character in aspects of humility.

The discouragement, worry, and fear never won. Every time I began to get that way, I would cry out and pray for the Lord to help me, and He would encourage me.

By nothing short of a miracle I still don’t understand, the first issue of Inside Out Magazine is published! And God provided Ben, an awesome website developer, to get the website up in no time for me! The Division Chair, my adviser, and professor gave me an extension to present about my senior project in early spring instead of in two days, which would have been near impossible and very stressful.

I’ve been overwhelmed with the fruit of the Spirit this entire time. Joy, peace, thanksgiving, goodness… I’m overtaken with the love of God for me as I just rest in His presence. I’ve been able to read so much of the Word, which I love. Even though I should have been stressed out of my mind, I had this peace that passed my understanding. I trusted God would take care of me, even if my situation looked impossible for finishing well. All my professors have given me grace and extensions. Things I didn’t think could even happen have happened in my favor. I’m just in awe. I’m so thankful for God’s grace and goodness in my life. And even though I’ve felt miserable, I’ve had so much joy! I am always smiling and laughing and even when I am alone, I listen to worship music and my heart swells with such joy for my King.

Friends, without God I know this could have turned out terrible. But it didn’t, because He was with me. He never fails. I love Him, I trust Him, and I know that even more good will come of this.

The thankfulness my heart feels cannot even be put into words.

And I believe my healing is near.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28

The “Friend Zone”

“All the “good girls” aren’t taken because they are too quick to throw guys into the Friend Zone and then they wonder where all the good guys are.”

One of my guy friends recently made this statement, and it bothered me. The term “Friend Zone” is used as a negative term. I know a lot of guys (and girls) have conflict with the opposite gender because of this apparent “Friend Zone.”

If you are among those who proclaim themselves to be in the “Friend Zone”,

1. You are friends with someone of the opposite gender.
2. You want to move from the zone of friendship into a romantic relationship.
3. You have been put in this zone of clearly defined just friendship status (against your secret wants).
4. You feel discarded as just another friend and are convinced that there is nothing special that can come of your friendship unless the other person changes their mind.
5. You feel it’s unfair and you want to change it but are discouraged because it seems there is nothing you can do about this.

Well, there is something you can do. It’s simple:

1. If you don’t like the “Friend Zone” and want to get out of it, do it. You can either make a move toward something more than friendship or stop being their friend.
2. Or, you can gain a new perspective and remain where you are. Instead of thinking something is wrong with being in the “Friend Zone” and feeling so discontent, be thankful you have the blessing to be friends!

Getting upset over being in the “Friend Zone” is selfish and prideful. It places your wants as the most important thing and causes you to blame someone for wronging you, when truly they may not have intentionally “placed” you in any “zone.” Friendships are a gift, not a right. You don’t own someone or have a right to demand anything  from them, instead you should gratefully accept any blessing that comes out of your friendship with open hands. Wishing you could control or change someone’s affection will only lead to frustration and will push them away. Love that chooses to love out of free will is always the most satisfying and special- not love that is coerced or forced.

If you feel that you have been confined to the “Friend Zone”, realize that in actuality, you are confining yourself by not freeing your emotions so you can better love the friends you have been blessed with. Surrender what you want most, trust God to guide you in His will in His perfect timing, and focus more on how you can be content and selflessly love and serve your friends instead of how you can take and get what you want. Be patient and wait on the Lord’s timing. Trying to control things to work out the way you want is not even going to get you want you desire and you will disappointed.

You probably are “good guy” but it doesn’t always mean you are the guy for that girl. One rule of thumb I’ve always used to keep myself in check is that I treat every guy in my life as if he has a future wife, and I never assume that woman is me. I want to not only guard my own heart but also I want to honor my friends, their wife, and my husband. Be encouraged that you are a  good guy and that you can be a good friend. If something more is in God’s plan, He will lead and direct you in how to pursue a woman.

There isn’t a zone you have to get out of. Relationships don’t move zones. You don’t stop being friends when your relationship becomes romantic. There is no magical zone you need to move in and out of.

I am going to be real with you: I ‘m tired of guys getting upset at me over this, and I wish they knew how it makes me feel. Instead of getting angry at your friend for “not allowing you to be your girlfriend”, get your heart straight. It’s not a good idea to pursue a woman out of discontentment or trying to get what you want. Selfishness takes. Selflessness serves. The most beautiful love stories of all time -romantic or not- have been one of surrender and sacrifice.

“Then He said to them all: “Whoever wants to be My disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow Me.” (Luke 9:23)

Small things with great love.

God has used this time in Kosovo to grow me so much. Spiritually, I know that my experiences here will completely challenge and change me in a way I would have never been able to unless I was in the context I am now.

A lot of what I have been praying and asking God to reveal to me is how to love people in a way that will touch their hearts- whether they are Muslim, non-believer, etc. As He has been guiding me in my actions and choices in my interactions with others, I have found myself drawn to Mother Teresa’s perspective of doing “small things with great love.” This concept is becoming even more of what I see as effective, if we continually live that way.

Doing small things with great love. It takes humility, thoughtfulness, care, and a big heart. This is what genuinely will touch people.

Turkish Kafe

I live in a dormitory and my dorm room is right next to another. The two girls who live there, who are Kosovars, have become very good friends of mine. They have been so kind and loving to me. Shimire made me kafe all the time; She would ask me to sit on her bed and we would talk while she made me Turkish kafe (delicious! It’s really the best I’ve ever had; Brazilian wins a close second place!). One morning she brought me kafe to my room, just because she is that thoughtful.

Shimire helped me go over the Albanian alphabet and identify the letters I need to work on pronouncing. One day I came home from classes and my internship, and she had a little notebook with a bunch of English questions and kind things she wanted to tell me. She had spent time between when I had last saw her to look these up and translate, and had thought about what she wanted to say to me.

Shimire and her roommate are both Muslim, and I am a Christian.

They are Kosovars, I am American.

They speak Albanian, I speak English.

But we are friends, and we love each other! 🙂 And their love was an example to me- the way they were so hospitible, kind, welcoming, thoughtful, and just in every little thing they did, they did it with great love.

One moment that was very significant was last week, I came home and said hi, then ended up sitting and conversing in their room as I often do. Shimire was very excited. She told me she wanted to honor me, as a journalist; she gave me a white bowl hat called a Plis, as described in this article by Winne.com:

A very common sight that can be seen amongst the older generation in Kosovo is the Plis. This is the traditional white bowl hat worn to signify their culture and Albanian heritage. The Plis varies in shape and size according to which region in Kosovo the person comes from and can either be flat on top or rounded according to the traditions of the province.

Shimire and me

She said it was very important to her and it was a way to show her respect. She wanted a picture, too, and I was very moved by her desire to honor me and express that in her own way. She also gave me a cool sports calendar when we first met. Shimire left yesterday, and I didn’t get to say good-bye, but we will stay in contact. I know I will never forget my Albanian friends.

What I took from this was to take time to think about others when you are apart, and consider how you can love them- even in just small things. In American culture, often when we are away from one another we aren’t always thinking about how we can express our love toward them the next time we see them. What are your thoughts on this?

One last thing I wanted to share is that while I have been learning a lot about how to love others, and being aware of how my actions and words, I spent time with the Jesus today and he reminded me that while it is good to want to touch others, to desire that they see Him and to always want to represent His heart, I can not forget to ask: Lord, what do you want to do in MY heart?

I long so much for others to be touched by God, and to allow God to use me to do that. Any way that His love can be shown through my life, I want it to. But His love is not just for me to share with others and not just for others to know.

His love is for me to receive and know.

Everyday, I need to allow God to minister to me and touch my heart. I need to change and to grow. I need to realize more of the fullness of His love.

A faithful friend

Tonight I rediscovered this poem I wrote over a year ago when I was in anguish over loosing a friend who was like a brother to me. Today I related to that feeling, because I felt sad; I finally accepted how distant a one of my steadfast friends has become. And it’s not just one friendship, but a lot of friends just come in and out of my life, or I realize we aren’t truly friends, and I am saddened. I don’t always understand why. Most of all, with this particular friend of mine, it’s difficult for me to let go because it’s a friends that has been faithful in the past and encouraged me spiritually, but has gradually drifted away from me, even when I’ve reached out for them. Over and over I hear the words of Provers 20:6 in my mind:

“Many a man claims to have unfailing love, but a faithful man who can find?”

But reading this old post (that I had made private and just now made public again) helped me see how God had the best in mind. Even though it was hard for many reasons, God took care of everything. I also realized, many times when my Christian friends become distant in our relationship, it’s because they are becoming distant with God first.

All this to say, I have finally realized the best friendship advice:

Stay close to Jesus. He is the Forever Faithful Friend. People who stay close to Jesus will not fall apart from each other.

Trust God with your friendships. He has purposes that you don’t see now, but will later. He is present even when others aren’t.

“You give and take away, You give and take away. My heart will choose to say, ‘LORD, blessed be Your name!'”

College has really been a test; I’ve struggled a lot to try and understand how I should respond when friends fail. I have learned that all you can do is choose to love people. And by “love”, I mean Christ’s agape. This means choosing to love no matter if they don’t return it. This means being faithful even if they aren’t. This means you don’t stop loving them even if they stop loving you. People will break our trust and fail us and hurt our hearts. We have to choose forgiveness, love, and to stick close to Christ. He endured much more in His love for us.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

I haven’t written in awhile, and so much has happened.

Right now I am sitting by a window, cracked open about a foot so I can feel the cool storm breeze. A siren was blaring, but faded and now just the drizzle of the rain fills my ears. Lightening flashes for a moment, and thunder is rolling deeply through the clouds. I find the storm relaxing, even calming as I sit on my bed and write.

I just moved into the north townhouses, which actually are male, but girls like me are living in them for this week. Tomorrow I will wake up at 6:30 am and go to the TV Station to work. We are covering the NAIA Track and Field Nationals, which my college is hosting the rest of this week. The majority of the next three days I will be outside (most likely in the hot sun!) operating a large TV camera at all the various events. I’m actually looking forward to it a lot. Not only do I get paid, which I need money right now, but I also get to work with some really awesome people (including one of my best friends) on TV crew, and then possibly God will open up opportunities to talk or pray with the athletes/people at this huge event. God has given me such a desire to see people physically healed, so maybe I will get to pray for some of the athletes if they have an injury. I just want to see the Holy Spirit moving through me, even if I’m working TV crew.

During May I was taking a 4-credit class, Environment and Society, and I can check off my required science lab. My professor was great. He had a fun sense of humor, told us stories, and has traveled all over the world. Even though the class was four hours long, I enjoyed it. For some of our assignments, we blew huge bubbles (out of bubble gum), made animals out of clay, looked at stuff under a microscope, drew, constructed bluebird houses, ran all over campus in teams; we visited a sewage plant, went hiking through beautiful woods, and we went geocaching. There was a lot more that happened, including my birthday! I turned 22 years old, and my friends threw me a surprise birthday party (I mentioned it in this post).

Group Bible Study

One of the most incredible things about May Term was that God put it on my heart to have a Bible Study again (my friend Jason and I had led one last year, and I just remembered how God really showed up and blessed it, so I wanted to do it again), and God showed up in amazing ways. The Lord just told me not to do it just once a week on Fridays, but twice a week, on Tuesdays as well. At first I thought, this is going to be to much, right? And then I realized that we would all only have several weeks together anyways, so we should meet more often. God provided my friend DLH to lead worship and it was so anointed. On my birthday he couldn’t come so I led worship on my guitar (which I have never gotten to do before!). Our second-to-last Bible Study, I felt like we should focus on commissioning, so we prayed specifically over each person with the focus of sending them out and blessing them for this summer where God will be placing them. It was so encouraging and powerful!

The last Bible Study was so fitting. About five of us met up and went outside to an open grassy area on campus, my friend Aaron played my guitar, and we worshipped God as the sun set, it’s golden rays highlighting all of nature around us. It was truly beautiful and awesome to worship God while surrounded by His creation.

The vision for the Bible Study was rooted in Hebrews 10:23-25

“Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”

This is so vital to us as believers, that we stay in community, that we meet together so we can focus on God, worship Him, share testimonies and praise Him, encourage and build up one another, challenge one another in the faith and being much-needed support. Every time I left Bible Study, I was in awe of how the Holy Spirit ministered and how the presence of God was so evident. I could go on for a long time with testimonies about it, but I will just say God did amazing things, and I am still praising Him for it!

Looking ahead to what’s next, I am going to Kosovo this summer. I am studying abroad and doing a journalism internship for the two months I will be living there. Because this post is really long already, I won’t go into it right now, but if you would like to know more about it, I share about it in this video. In less than three weeks I will be in Southeastern Europe! Wow! These plans have tested my faith so much. I am trusting God as my Provider, all the finances will come through! I will be writing about the trip a lot on this blog, with travel journals, and updating with videos and photographs, too!

Upcoming Posts: I am reading Ephesians 4, everyday for forty days. The first day it convicted me and was just what I needed to read, so I look forward to writing a post about that. I also want to share with you about what God did through my class during May Term, because He revealed Himself in a mighty, new way to me through it. I hope it will encourage and speak to you, too.

Thanks for reading my blog and updates. Let me know your thoughts, and especially if you want to pray for or give to my Kosovo travels.