Christ is sufficient always & in everything.

I’ve been working two jobs and for one of my jobs, I have to get up while the moon and stars are still out. This morning I came to work feeling tired and asking God to continue to give me the energy and upbeat attitude I needed as I worked. When I woke up at 3 a.m., I wanted to lay back down in my bed. But already God has given me what I need for today, and everything I do today comes out of that.

Since every day I’m opening at the fitness club, I’ve been getting to know the members who come in. They usually make jokes and  tease me about how I’m always there and act a little amazed because they understand  how hard it is to even be there at 5 a.m. themselves. Today someone asked me how I wake up this early every morning and am always so cheerful. I told them. “Jesus.” I told them I pray and God helps me. That’s the complete truth and there’s no other reason I could do this, except I know God has placed me here at this job for a purpose and I have faith He will enable me to do it- and with joy! That is the power of God at work in me. His strength is made perfect in my weakness. There is power in the name of Jesus and I’m living from it, even in the small things.  I’m not going to attribute that power that I know comes from Him to anything else, no matter if other people believe me or look at me like I’m even more crazy. They don’t have to get it or agree with my beliefs. But they can’t deny they don’t see the evidence of something out-of-the-ordinary that takes something special to be able to do. They are the ones who noticed and pointed it out! I will not credit it to myself or anything else when I know God should be glorified. He’s my strength, my joy, and the point of everything I’m doing -no matter what it is- is because of Him and for His glory. Not only does He strengthen me and give me joy to do my job, He gives me a vision for why I do it and a love to motivate me (for Him and for the people I encounter daily).

I know if I was not looking to Christ and relying on His power, there would be shifts and work days I would be even more exhausted and have a poor attitude. But all it takes is putting your faith in an unfailing God. There comes a point you realize that you’re always going to be exhausted and struggling with your attitude, focused on your lack and the deficit, or you’re going to stand firm in the truth that, “No matter where I lack, no matter how I feel, what I have to do, or this circumstance, Christ is sufficient.”

“But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)

“I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength.” (Philippians 4:13)

“Not to us, O LORD, not to us, But to Your name be the glory. Because of Your loving-kindness, because of Your truth.” (Psalms 115:1)

“I will glorify Your name forever.” (Psalm 86:12)

“Whatever you ask in My name, that will I do, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son.” (John 14:13)

Struggles

We all have struggles.

To stab my pride, I’ll get specific with some of mine. I’m not a perfect Christian, I’ve struggled a lot. Just recently, I’ve struggled with comparing myself to others, wanting to be more like them than how God made me. I’ve struggled with feeling lost, not understanding why I’m where I am in life, wanting true purpose and direction. I’ve struggled with lack of friendships, the why, and wanting so much someone to share life with. I’ve struggled with a lack of desire to read the word at times, with the prideful notion I’ve read it so many times, what could be new? but wanting that hunger back still, because I know that isn’t true. I’ve struggled with wondering if anyone will love me just the way I am, if some day a man would ever choose me to cherish as his wife, and wanting someone to hang around for good. I’ve struggled with the motivation to get my classwork done because I don’t want to do it anymore, wanting just want to be done already because I should be.

I’ve struggled. And I’m still struggling sometimes with those things. And praise God, He is the one who is bringing me through them.

In our struggles, Immanuel is there. God with us. Always present, always faithful. These struggles come from desires and thoughts of the soul, but not really the spirit. The mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace, Romans 8:6 says. Life and peace is what you find when you bring the struggle to God and submit to the power of the Spirit of God alive in you. Then the struggle becomes a victory.

We struggle with things, but let me tell you, the longer you allow yourself to struggle, it will only make it worse and yourself more miserable. The more you allow those thoughts to continue instead of coming to Christ and submitting them to Him and working it out with the One who has the power to help you overcome them, the more you’ll keep letting it go on and it’ll affect you.

You have to give it over to God. You need to come to Him. There is a big difference between throwing up a prayer, hoping He does something soon and actually wrestling in prayer and seeking Him wholeheartedly until you receive a breakthrough. I’ve been guilty of the former so many times. “God I did pray to you about it, and You did nothing.” No, the problem was I wasn’t willing to get on my knees in battle, I just shot off my best rescue flair in hopes He saw it.

God wants relationship with us. He doesn’t want us to think “this is the way it works” and do those certain things we think we should do so He’ll work in our lives and help us. He wants us to understand the truth. He wants us to know Him, His love, His compassion, His deep understanding of each struggle we’re going through, because we have a High Priest who is able to sympathize with our weaknesses (Hebrews 4:15). He is inviting you to come to Him so He can be with you, so He can be your very Best Friend. He is not ashamed of your struggles, or surprised at them. He is not condemning you for them (there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus! Romans 8:1) He desires for you to rest your heart in Him, and to receive life and peace from His Spirit that He has given you.

Sometimes we choose to be distracted instead of coming to God with our struggles. Sometimes we choose to blog about them, or think about them, or listen to music about them, or rant to someone about them. But God can actually take those struggles and not only bring us through them, but give us the strength we need so next time we face them, we will continue to overcome and be able to encourage others who go through them, too.

So I guess if you get anything out of this, just know that God desires relationship with you and if you are struggling with anything at all right now, or maybe a lot of things, He is here for you, and He is able to give you the victory you need, life and peace by His Spirit. We are transformed by being with Him. Come to Him. Stay awhile.

It’s okay to give up.

When I say “I give up”, this is what I meant.

I was so afraid. I look at this upcoming semester and I was overwhelmed. I knew all I have to do, saw all I had to face, and I was afraid.

I was afraid because I knew it’s more than I can do on my own. I can’t. I still have no idea how I am going to get through this semester. But I don’t have to know how. I just need to know God is with me. And if He with with me, I am going to make it through. He is, and I will.

“Maybe, maybe that’s the point- to reach the point of giving up.“

You know, it’s okay to give up. It’s okay to say, “God, this is too much. I can’t do it. I don’t know how I am going to walk forward on this path ahead of me.”

You know why it’s okay to give up? Because there is another word for that. It’s called surrender. And that is what defines the Christian life. Being in a place where you know you need God for everything is exactly where He wants us to be. He wants us to depend and rely on Him alone. And I know I have to.

It doesn’t depend on me.

I don’t have to be strong enough. I don’t have to find the strength in myself to do this. And I don’t have to be frustrated at myself because it’s not there. I don’t have to try and be something I am not right now. I just have to look elsewhere, because there is one place I will find what I need: in my Savior.

God is my strength. And He will be with me all the way.

I am really encouraged. God has used a few people lately to really encourage me and I have been in the Word and in prayer constantly. I know I am doing better with this because so many people have been praying for me, too. If you were one of those people, thank you. Job 22:29 says, “When people are brought low and you say, ‘Lift them up!’ then He will save the downcast.”

“For this is what the high and lofty One says–He who lives forever, whose name is holy: “I live in a high and holy place, but also with him who is contrite and lowly in spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly and to revive the heart of the contrite.” – Isaiah 57:15

He is reviving me again. I am clinging to Him. And I am clinging to His word.

“But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.” – 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

“Do you not know?
   Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
   the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
   and His understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
   and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
   and young men stumble and fall;
 but those who hope in the LORD
   will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
   they will run and not grow weary,
   they will walk and not be faint.” – Isaiah 40:29-31

God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.” – 2 Corinthians 9:8

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” – Isaiah 41:10

Therefore, I will not lose heart. Though outwardly I am wasting away, inwardly I am being renewed day by day. – 2 Corinthians 4:16 (personal paraphrase)

“Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him.” The LORD is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks Him.” – Lamentations 3:21-25

my heart wants to be strong.

I cam home from ALTAR tonight and immediately felt discouraged. I had an awesome time with God while there and was encouraged so much, especially by reading Philippians 4. I am exhausted, and I just want to sleep, but I have so much to do.

My heart wants to be strong, I want to remain steadfast, but I’m sitting here and feel like I know I want to do the things I need to, I want to be how I need to be, but I feel as if just as much I know I will fall short, like I have been.

I give You my shortcomings God.

I fall short so often.

(Or at least I feel that way). In academics, in leadership…I see what I do, and I believe this lie that it’s hardly enough. I know it’s not about performance, and that’s not what I’m discouraged about. I’m down because I want to do better and I keep falling short. I’d like to hit what I aim for. I put all I can into everything I do. I never give up. I begin each day knowing: I depend on You alone. Even when I just want to not go on, I do. And I know why: God gives me the strength to.

I just have this feeling some days as if nothing I do will be enough. That I need to do more, be more.

I am listening to the song “Stronger” by Hillsong, and the truth I hear encourages me:

Faithfulness none can deny

through the storm

and through the fire

there is truth

that sets me free

Jesus Christ

Who lives in me

You are stronger,

You are stronger

I know I’m weak, I know I fall short, and I know God is more than enough. I don’t want any saying to cheer me up or encouragement that makes me feel better. I want change and a breakthrough. God has been doing that- but I truly am getting weary because I have kept steadfast yet still it all comes back to falling short.

That’s not me and I don’t accept it. I know God’s power is in me and I will overcome, but I feel like that is going to be out of every moment fixing my eyes on Him, constantly turning my thoughts to Him and not on myself, and acknowledging He is here with me- and that means even the impossible is possible. I am not going to stop believing, hoping, or walking in faith.

I am going to still rejoice, I am going to get in His Word -the source of all encouragement- I am going to smile, I am going to lean on Jesus, I am going to be thankful and praise God. I am blessed. I have so much to be happy about, even if there are seems to be so many things to get me down right now. Most of all, I need to get my eyes off myself.

Dear Reader, know most my moments are filled with joy and peace. But I don’t want to only share those. I want to be transparent that I get down, so you can witness how He lifts me up out of those weary or downtrodden times. To God be all the glory.

strong enough.

Every person has a few areas that God continually keeps bringing to the surface over and over during their life. A tough spot, a tendency, call it what you want.

One of mine is that I think I am strong. One of the meanings of my name, Breanna, means “strong.” I claim that wholeheartedly, and many times it’s true. I’m a strong person in many ways.

Being strong isn’t always good, though.

Like when you are struggling through a tough time, guess what strong people try to do? Stay strong. This can be good. But often times trying to be strong just weakens you the harder you try. Often times, when you are trying to be strong, you lose all strength.

Often when you are strong, you rely on your strength, yourself to be strong. You depend on you. It’s a resolute determination. Can you relate to what I’m describing here?

The problem with this, spiritually, is that when  I try to be strong, I have made a mistake. Not with the desire. But with who I look to for that strength. Too many times I look to myself to be strong. At times I would look to others for strength when I began to feel weak. But I think we both know where truth strength comes from- God.

I may be strong on my own. But not strong enough. Especially not alone. And even with others, I still don’t have all the strength I need many times. God is the only one who can be my strength when I am weak.

Thankfully I have learned that. It may have taken until the end of my freshman year of college to completely have that truth branded into my mind and deep in my heart, but I fully believe that God alone is my source of strength now.

On Sunday, Matthew West played here at the Indiana State Fair. I was on the third row, listening to an awesome testimony he shared, and then he played a song that was inspired by the story of someone from my state. I think he would be fine  that I share just a clip of this song with you. It touched my heart so deeply and resonated with everything inside me because I know the lyrics to be true. I have prayed the words you hear Matthew West singing. I think the title is called “Strong Enough” from his upcoming album.

I want to encourage you now, if you are trying to be strong on your own, in your own strength, or if you are seeking your strength from things around you, or if you are weak and need strengthening…God can be strong enough for you!

There were those who wrote in 2 Corinthians 1:8-9 that they “were burdened beyond measure, above strength, so that we despaired even of life. Yes, we had the sentence of death in ourselves, that we should not trust in ourselves but in God.” They knew they didn’t have any strength but didn’t depend on themselves to find it.

Isaiah wrote this next passage that is very encouraging: “The everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth, neither faints nor is weary. His understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the weak, and to those who have no might He increases strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall, but those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not be weary, they will walk and not faint” (Isaiah 40:28-31).

David understood this. He wrote in Psalm 73:26 that even though his flesh and heart might fail, “God is my strength and portion forever!”

“That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” – Paul, 2 Corinthians 12:10.

fight the good fight!

I have been so down on myself and pretty self-centered the last two days. I have been struggling with loneliness and feeling unloved or cared about. Completely not myself. I always find satisfaction and delight in God’s love and presence, yet I have been struggling to even believe He loves me. So wrong, and so off-track. And I knew it. But I was discouraged.

I wrote tonight to Him, “I want to run to Your arms, but don’t have the strength to get there.” I’ve really just been feeling like I just want Him to come to me and do something to show me He loves me. God, help my unbelief. I always know You love me, and it touches me in such deep ways. Yet all of the sudden I’m so weak?

My strength will fail, no matter how hard I try to stay strong. Thankfully I kept seeking Him. I kept drawing near, hoping He would, too. I randomly started checking out Christian blogs on WordPress, then I found a few young adults who wrote about God. One page linked to another, and I was reading an “About Me” page. I know this is ridiculous, but I’m quoting it (here’s the link to his blog):

For those of you who don’t know me. My name is David Shields. I am an 18 year old student at Liberty University in Lynchburg, Virginia. I have lived most of my life afraid to take a stand for righteousness and for the Kingdom. I have given my life to the King of Kings, the God of the Bible. It is my hearts cry to see men and women truly seek after Christ and to be filled with the Holy Spirit. The church needs shaken and this world needs a revival. I am seeking to change the world. Not because I can in it of myself, but because that is the cry God has placed in my heart. Run with me if you wish, but be warned. I am not running a light race or talking about cute things. I’m charging the very gates of hell no matter who is with me. You in?

This is the passion and excitement for God I feel and am used to being around. But when I am on my own like lately, fanning the flame has been going fine until yesterday when I just crashed. This child of God -David- is even three years younger than me, but He is so on fire for God! And it sparked something in my limp heart. His eyes are not on himself, they are on God. My heart’s cry that God gave me is (word for word the same as what he wrote) to see men and women truly seeking after Christ and to be filled with the Holy Spirit! In two months I will be a Hall Chaplain and it’s like I’ve forgotten that blessing and God’s call for me to do something amazing like that! Thanks God for David. Thanks for letting me see my identity in Christ again through someone who is living theirs. I read his words and I’m like, that me! And I know that I have not been focused on that. I’ve been deceived by the devil that I am worthless, my life doesn’t make a difference, and nobody cares about me. I’ve been missing people. There are plenty of people who would be with me and I would stop being so selfish and actually call them to join me as I join with what God is doing!

Community is in Christ.

The boldness in David’s words remind me of myself when I am standing strong in Christ. The enemy has tried to steal my joy (the joy of the Lord is my strength! [Nehemiah 8:10]) and make me feel so bad about myself that I feel God can’t use me and I lose my boldness.

All I know is I must not let go of Paul’s exhortation. I will fight the good fight of the faith and take hold of the eternal life to which I am called! [1 Timothy 6:12, 1 Timothy 1:18]

The devil wants to discourage us and make us weak and get our eyes on ourselves. God causes us to rise up, He gives us strength and focuses on the Truth! Do NOT believe the devil’s lies. The TRUTH is: you are loved, you are treasured, you have worth, you have a purpose; God can use you in MIGHTY ways. Be bold in your identity in Christ!

Don’t give up. Fight the good fight, take hold! Be taken up with the things of God.

psalm 73:28

How priceless is Your unfailing love! Both high and low among men find refuge in the shadow of Your wings. (Psalm 26:7)

Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him. (Psalm 34:8)

Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge. Selah (Psalm 62:8)

I am so loved by the most amazing Love ever. A smile lights my face, my eyes are bright with joy.

Tonight as I made my way back to my dorm, the cool night air tugging at my gray hoodie, the dark sky with tiny white specks above, I began wishing for my daddy’s strong arms to wrap me in a hug- but realizing like always, he’s not here.

I remember thinking as I approached the door, I just need to be loved on. This is not in a self-centered, self-pity way; just a simple truth that’s been a lingering desire I’ve been aware of the last few days. It’s not friends, classes, or the “normal” things that are on my mind lately. I have a lot of peace and contentment. I have constant joy! Yet- my heart keeps turning back to this longing to be loved. It’s not overwhelming, it’s just there when I slow down enough to reflect or spend a moment alone. And I know God is the place to search. I’ve been praying, God, I know You love me…inside of me there is this yearning to see it, feel it, encounter it. I need Your love.

As I stood in front of my dorm tonight, the thought came to mind in return to my desire: I can come to Him for anything.

Earlier when I asked for His love, I knew in my mind He loves me- I’ve experienced it countless times, every day I am aware of His love. I don’t doubt He loves me. My desire is more that I’m wanting to encounter it in new and deeper ways, a refreshing revelation of His affections for me.

I was just waiting on Him to act.

Tonight, my heart believed that His love is available for me to receive if I just come to Him, He has anything I need and gives freely. No waiting on Him to show me.

I just need to be loved on tonight. And guess what? I came to God, and I told Him what I needed, and He said, “I have the love You need right here, right now. You don’t have to wait.”

I feel loved on. He is lavishing His love on me as I come up the stairs; I know He is with me, I know He is saying to me, “Breanna, I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you. I love you so much.”

Being loved is the most amazing feeling ever. I’m going to just enjoy it.

Sometimes you need a place of reassurance, a place where you can go and know, everything is alright. You need something to support you, hold you up, to be strong when you need to just rest and feel safe. A refuge. Sometimes you need just someone to fully care and be there. And by sometimes, I mean always. You know this is not a sometimes source for what you need, but an always promise. You need this source to be something you can trust, that you can have faith in.

My place, my source, my always is God.

Sometimes I need a refuge not because I am troubled, but because I need safety, comfort, strength, love. I need someone to look after me. I need someone I can trust and have faith in with everything. I need someone to fully care and be there. I need a place of reassurance, a place I can go and know- everything is alright. I need someone to support me, hold me up, to be strong when I need to just rest and feel safe. Someone I can trust. Someone who I can be completely comfortable with, who knows me so well I don’t have to explain everything or worry about what they’ll think, because I know they already know.

That’s who God is for me. And my mom. Haha :] (Okay, that’s only a few times a week, depending on the week…anyways, I love and cherish her.).

God as my refuge, my source, my always- it’s beautiful, it’s amazing, and it’s more than I could ever hope to find anywhere else in all the universe. He’s present right now with me. And I’m just being loved on.

Who else would I go to besides You, God? Where else would I turn? I only want to seek You. I only want Your love, Your arms, You.

God’s words of love…

“But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge; I will tell of all Your deeds.” (Psalm 73:28)

“I will say of the LORD, ‘He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” (Psalm 91:2)

“But let all who take refuge in You be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love Your name may rejoice in You.” (Psalm 5:11)

“[ A miktam of David. ] Keep me safe, O God, for in You I take refuge.” (Psalm 16:1)

“Show the wonder of Your great love, You who save by Your right hand those who take refuge in You… (Psalm 17:7)

“As for God, His way is perfect; the word of the LORD is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in Him.” (2 Samuel 22:31; Psalm 18:30)

“How great is Your goodness, which You have stored up for those who fear You, which You bestow in the sight of men on those who take refuge in You.” (Psalm 31:19)

“I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings. Selah” (Psalm 61:4)

“Let the righteous rejoice in the LORD and take refuge in Him; let all the upright in heart praise Him!” (Psalm 64:10)

“Be my rock of refuge, to which I can always go; give the command to save me, for You are my rock and my fortress.” (Psalm 71:3)

If you make the Most High your dwelling— even the LORD, who is my refuge- (Psalm 91:9) Make Him your dwelling place…read the rest of this chapter too :]

“It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in man. It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in princes.” (Psalm 118:8-9)

“Look to my right and see; no one is concerned for me. I have no refuge; no one cares for my life.” (Psalm 142:4) David wrote this when he felt like nobody cared about Him, but in many other psalms he is encouraged because God showed him His great love and care.

“I cry to you, O LORD; I say, “You are my refuge, my portion in the land of the living.” (Psalm 142:5)

“…let them come to Me for refuge; let them make peace with Me, yes, let them make peace with Me.” (Isaiah 27:5)

“The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in Him.” (Nahum 1:7)