Paralyzed.

What stops you?

If you’re having trouble moving forward, taking the next step, pursuing the future, getting things done…I have been there. I’m overcoming. Because I had to face that, I have some lessons I’ve learned along the way- amidst the struggle. And hopefully something I can share can be encouraging to you or speak to where you are at.

There can be many things that that paralyze us- perfectionism, fear, doubt, making mistakes, obstacles, inadequacies, intimidation, insecurity, rejection, people-pleasing, past experiences, self-protecting ourselves from pain, rejection…

These are roadblocks.

The informal definition for “roadblock” is “something that stops someone from making progress” (Macmillan Dictionary).

Doubt (not trusting, believing, being unsure or uncertain) and fear (being afraid of what could happen) are roadblocks. They can paralyze you if you let them.

• Doubt is based on what we do not know, or feel we cannot fully trust or believe.
• Fear is the opposite of trust, and often times is irrational.

Those roadblocks can be torn down.

• We overcome doubt by truth.
• We overcome fear by faith.

Often doubt and fear enter in our minds and hearts when we encounter something new in our lives that we have to face or walk into. We’re all in different places in our walk, in our life journey, but for me and a lot of others I know, this is a time to pursue the opportunities God has given you. Whether that be the adventure of discovering what those are, which requires willingness for change and risk; or perhaps, like me, the opportunities are there, but you have to believe in yourself to make that choice and pursue them. There are many things that can paralyze you if you let them.

Let me share about my most recent experience. While I have struggled with everything I’ll mention in this post, specifically, a few weeks ago an ugly old paralyzer revisited me: perfectionism.

I’ve struggled with perfectionism (off and on) my whole life. This standard was not placed on me from others, but so often I find myself holding that standard for myself. In many ways, that benefited me by the fact that I do everything 110%, I’m self-motivated, I expect and do everything with excellence, and I have no problem putting in beyond the effort that is needed. When I’m confident in what I’m doing, there’s no stopping me from getting it done and I usually finish well. The problem with perfectionism is, it’s unattainable. There will be plenty of things I have to do that I won’t do perfectly or with excellence the first time, partially because they are new and I need to practice to improve my ability and get to that point. There will be tasks I’ll be responsible that I feel inadequate or inefficient in. How am I going to handle that? My first reaction is either, “Oh well, I’ll do my best, here goes…” or “I’m overwhelmed, why even try if I know I’m going to screw it up?” When I give into being a perfectionist, I either have to accept I won’t do everything perfectly and give myself grace to make mistakes (difficult for me to do), or I am hard on myself and get discouraged. I spend so much time trying to prevent making a mistake that I waste time I could be spending on doing what needs to get done. The more I care about something, the more debilitating my perfectionism is. The more I refuse myself the possibility of “screwing it up”, the firmer grip my fear has, the tighter it chokes me, the more pressure I put on myself until I can’t do anything at all. The core of perfectionism is placing a high value on the idea that your work reflects back onto you. It’s making what you do a personal reflection of yourself, but giving it power to make a statement about your value. You end up believing statements about the quality of your work define you.

When I realized how paralyzing my perfectionism was to my work, ministry, and even some of my relationships (which is where it’s most destructive…), I knew I needed to find a way to break free from it. I didn’t want to be paralyzed by it. I found a simple answer to the problem: put into practice a better attitude, take on a simple mindset, and take action.

• Realize everyone is not expecting perfectionism from you; you are expecting that of yourself. Stop expecting perfection of yourself. Release yourself from that strict standard. It’s confining.
• Stop thinking so much about it and do.
  
• Have fun! Enjoy your work.
• Leave room for making mistakes as part of the process.
• Be pro-active rather than reactive.
• Keep positive!
• Ask yourself if your ultimate goal was accomplished (getting it done).
• Realize if you get it done, you can always come back if you have more time and improve it some more. The work is first. The quality can be improved on after.
• Listen humbly to feedback and but don’t take it personal.
• Still take responsibility for your mistakes, accept constructive criticism as help, and improve where you can.
• Tell fear to shut up and tackle your task with boldness.
• Lighten up.
• Don’t dwell on the mistake.
• Put your effort into doing what you can to make your work better and completing the task as soon as you can.
• Persevere. Be tenacious in your persistence.
• “Don’t be nervous. Work calmly, joyously, recklessly on whatever is in hand” (Henry Miller, writer).

Honestly, you just have to do something. We have to move to break out of our paralyzed state. And once you do, you’d be amazed at how much you can accomplish and get done. You’ll produce better work just by getting something done and freeing yourself from all the pressure you placed on yourself.

Although I spent the better half of this post sharing about my latest paralyzer and how I learned to counter-act it, there are many more things that stop us in our tracks and keep us from moving forward. All of these have affected me:

I mentioned earlier doubt and fear, and how we over by truth and faith. Set your mind on the truth. Flush out the rest. We all have doubts that could swallow us whole if we gave ourselves to them. But we’re called to walk by faith. As Hebrews 10:39 says, “We do not belong to those who shrink back and are destroyed, but to those who have faith and are saved.” Doubt is never beneficial. It’s takes the rug out from under your feet, it destroys trust, it causes fear to rise up. The truth is, it’s natural to feel fear. It’s how you respond to that fear, the power you give it over you to debilitate you or the power you deny it in moving forward regardless. Choose instead to put your faith in something greater, in God, with whom you have nothing to fear.

Ever been afraid of screwing up? I have. A lot. It’s stupid. We will make mistakes. It happens! We won’t do everything flawlessly or perfectly. We will encounter obstacles. We will be inadequate and fall short at times. But it’s how we pick ourselves up and keep our heads held up despite what holds us back. You only stop if you accept defeat and believe that it’s final, instead of viewing it as an opportunity and chance to grow, overcome, and improve from.

As you pursue what you need to do, everything is not always set up. You are hardly ever completely prepared or ready for what you have to dive in and do. Accept the process, the mess, the fact that it won’t go perfectly, and have the backbone to say you won’t let any of that deter you is what it takes. Don’t let fear, mistakes, obstacles, doubts, insecurities, or the process intimate you. Go and do. You won’t know if you can do something unless you actually go and do it. I’ve accomplished the most not when I did everything perfectly, but when I put in the most work. It’s by doing- not perfection, which can paralyze you if you hold yourself to that standard, and then you get nothing accomplished.

“Real life is about reacting quickly to the opportunity at hand, not the opportunity you envisioned.”
– Conan O’Brien, humorist and talk show host

We all have times we struggle with insecurity. We all want to hide our weaknesses, perceived “flaws”, and shield others from seeing the less-attractive parts of who we are- because of our desire for love and acceptance. We project the most likeable image of ourselves to others. We shield them from the things about ourselves that they may respond negatively to, for fear of rejection. We want to be liked, and that can turn into people-pleasing…which will tear you apart if you care too much about what others think about you. You’ll end up even more insecure. Be true to who you are and don’t apologize for it; people aren’t attracted to perfection, they’re attracted to authenticity. We -well, I– need to learn to be vulnerable with others and trust them to take me as I am. The more we let the weight of how much we want others to love us and care for us push us to lose yourself. Be true to who you are. Stay strong. Don’t shut up within yourself. I’ve done this and it doesn’t do anything good for your relationships…you come off as fake because you won’t let yourself open up and be real. Free yourself from being shaped by the opinions of others and be confident in how God made you, and accept grace for the areas you need to grow and be humble about them when they are exposed to others.

“To avoid criticism,

do nothing,

say nothing,

be nothing.”

– Elbert Hubbard, writer

I know many insecurities are a product of being vulnerable with someone and they responded negatively or differently than you hoped or expected they would. I’ve experienced this, and I know it can tear you apart, it can destroy you, it can affect you for years. Forgive them. Don’t let the pain control your ability to open up or to stand back up again. Don’t wither into a safe place away inside yourself to try and protect yourself from that happening ever again. You need to heal and overcome it. Ask God to heal your heart where you feel hurt, then release it from holding on to you. Pain is debilitating, too. I think many perfectionists become that way because they want to do everything they can to avoid a pain they once experienced. Don’t let a past wound that hurt turn into a reason to avoid that pain again. If you’re always afraid of what will happen if you open up parts of who you are to others, and you’ll miss out on a lot of depth because you only let people into certain rooms of who you are, and you lock them out of the ones that need to be shared still and that are a part of who you are. Insecurities about sharing who you are with others may keep you from rejection or negative responses that could hurt you, but it also robs you of the chance to be loved more fully and experience a love that sees the less lovely parts of who you are and still not only accepts, but truly loves you. It’s the most powerful love there is. You don’t need everyone’s love. But you do need to know perfect love- which is found in Christ, and His true followers, who love like Him. Find those people. Be that person to others.

“In general, people are not drawn to perfection in others. People are drawn to shared interests, shared problems, and an individual’s life energy. Humans connect with humans. Hiding one’s humanity and trying to project an image of perfection makes a person vague, slippery, lifeless, and uninteresting.” – Robert Glover

I’m learning these things again…mainly because I have just now begun to put it to practice more than I ever have before. As in, it’s been in my heart as God’s teaching me, yet today is probably one of the first days I’ve seriously put actions to all my intentions. I’m growing, it may be messy, it may expose things about myself even I don’t like, but I am done being timid or afraid and letting these things hinder me. Honestly I don’t have everything put together or figured out…but my confidence is not in what I know; my faith is in God who is greater, His power in me, His Spirit counseling and guiding me, His presence with me all the way, and knowing I am done letting these things paralyze me from being and doing all I am made for. If you want more, you have to pursue it. And to pursue something, you have to do it. And when you do, you can’t expect perfection. You can’t hold yourself to an unrealistic standard. But you can see where He will take you if you’re willing to put aside everything and keep going with Him toward what He has for you. Most of us have yet to discover it because we’ve stopped. But God is calling us to pursue, to go, to do, and to be by living. Not in theory, not in thought, not in dreams- but as He created us to be: whole, free, and secure in Him.

You can be paralyzed and miss out- or you can be free and discover more. You can let fear, doubt, or insecurity stop you- or you can focus on what you know is truth and step forward in faith. We rob ourselves (and others) of so much when we let ourselves be paralyzed; and we experience such beauty when we simply allow God to tear down those roadblocks we’ve built up and set us free to see all He has for us to do and to be with Him. Freely. Fully. But we won’t know if we don’t move. So, move- and don’t let anything stop you.

 

Christ is sufficient always & in everything.

I’ve been working two jobs and for one of my jobs, I have to get up while the moon and stars are still out. This morning I came to work feeling tired and asking God to continue to give me the energy and upbeat attitude I needed as I worked. When I woke up at 3 a.m., I wanted to lay back down in my bed. But already God has given me what I need for today, and everything I do today comes out of that.

Since every day I’m opening at the fitness club, I’ve been getting to know the members who come in. They usually make jokes and  tease me about how I’m always there and act a little amazed because they understand  how hard it is to even be there at 5 a.m. themselves. Today someone asked me how I wake up this early every morning and am always so cheerful. I told them. “Jesus.” I told them I pray and God helps me. That’s the complete truth and there’s no other reason I could do this, except I know God has placed me here at this job for a purpose and I have faith He will enable me to do it- and with joy! That is the power of God at work in me. His strength is made perfect in my weakness. There is power in the name of Jesus and I’m living from it, even in the small things.  I’m not going to attribute that power that I know comes from Him to anything else, no matter if other people believe me or look at me like I’m even more crazy. They don’t have to get it or agree with my beliefs. But they can’t deny they don’t see the evidence of something out-of-the-ordinary that takes something special to be able to do. They are the ones who noticed and pointed it out! I will not credit it to myself or anything else when I know God should be glorified. He’s my strength, my joy, and the point of everything I’m doing -no matter what it is- is because of Him and for His glory. Not only does He strengthen me and give me joy to do my job, He gives me a vision for why I do it and a love to motivate me (for Him and for the people I encounter daily).

I know if I was not looking to Christ and relying on His power, there would be shifts and work days I would be even more exhausted and have a poor attitude. But all it takes is putting your faith in an unfailing God. There comes a point you realize that you’re always going to be exhausted and struggling with your attitude, focused on your lack and the deficit, or you’re going to stand firm in the truth that, “No matter where I lack, no matter how I feel, what I have to do, or this circumstance, Christ is sufficient.”

“But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)

“I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength.” (Philippians 4:13)

“Not to us, O LORD, not to us, But to Your name be the glory. Because of Your loving-kindness, because of Your truth.” (Psalms 115:1)

“I will glorify Your name forever.” (Psalm 86:12)

“Whatever you ask in My name, that will I do, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son.” (John 14:13)

My work is His work.

A few weeks ago, God provided me with a job. While I take two online classes to finish my college degree, I’m also going to be doing home childcare part-time (a couple full days a week). I get to watch three little girls, five months to four years old, and teach them. I love babies and kids of all ages, so of course I’ll love it. I’ve been doing childcare off and on since I was eleven years old. In many ways, this job is actually perfect for me currently. It is an answer to prayer.

As I was preparing for my first day of my new job (tomorrow), I felt excited and nervous. It’s normal, I know. Similar to that feeling that builds inside your stomach right before delivering a speech to an audience, or the first time you’re about to do something new. I remind myself: the edge relaxes off the more you get used to doing it. Part of the nervousness is anticipation, the other is uncertainty.

This feeling continually has driven me to God lately. He has constantly encouraged me and used people who also pray for me to speak encouragement to me. I know I am not stepping forward alone; He is with me, and I am covered in prayer.

This morning His answer was so clear when I came to Him about it. He didn’t just say “Surrender” or “Trust Me” or remind me of a thousand other truths I need to hear over and over. He finally opened my eyes up to change my perspective.

All along, I’ve seen how this job was an answer to prayer. God provided, and it’s a huge blessing.

But there’s more to it than that.

As I’ve been praying and preparing, I’ve been looking at what I’m going to be doing as “my job”. I mean, that’s what it is- right?

This is more than a job. This, in fact, is not even about a job.

This is less about a job and more about the work. And what is my work? Is it simply feeding little mouths, cleaning up poopie diapers, playing, singing, teaching, and taking care of three little girls?

By definition, yeah, I guess it seems that is my job. I love all of those things! But my work is actually not simply defined by what actions I do. It is about the purpose behind those actions.

God uses my work to get His work done; God does His work through my work.

He uses a weak vessel like me to display His glory and minister His love. 2 Corinthians 4:7 comes to mind, “We have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us.” The jar of clay is me; the treasure is His power which dwells by His Spirit within me. The end of that passage, in verses 17-18, talks about “an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison” is what God is preparing through everything we go through now, “as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.”

God leads us exactly to where He wants us to be and teaches us every step of the way. When we get there, He opens our eyes to see that what He has done is actually not about us at all. It’s about His will, His purposes, His Kingdom…it’s all about Him. It’s not about the temporary, it’s about the eternal.

Already, in the time I have spent with these sweet little girls, I have seen the unique beauty God has placed in each one of them. They are created in His image and He has a plan and purpose for their lives. I may only be a part of that for a time, and even if it’s the very beginning, they are cherished and loved in His sight. I get the chance to show them that. I get to teach them about Jesus and demonstrate His heart toward them. And my greatest hope is that God will use in their lives for eternal purposes that last beyond my close presence in their lives.

I was worried for a little while about failing somehow. I thought, ‘what if I didn’t know what to do?’ or, “what if I screw this up?’ – and how terrible I would feel if that did happen. God wiped away that fear, but He didn’t stop there; He has given me a whole new perspective and heart about this. I can’t even approach it the same.

I believe every life is a miracle, and that God is the breath of life to everything that has life. He’s our Creator. He knits us together in our mother’s womb; He created our immost being. He saw us in the secret place, where He made us. He made us fearfully, wonderfully. Before even one of our days came to be, He ordained all of them. (Psalm 139:13-16). God knows us intimately, and has loved us since the moment we once were a thought in His mind; from the first beat of our heart and enduring beyond the moment it stops. So no matter how young or old a person is, if they are only five months or ninety-four years old, the second greatest commandment Jesus gave us was to love others like He has loved us (Matthew 22:37-40, John 13:34). That’s the greatest hope I can have in anything I ever do, that I would pour out the love of Christ to people. We were made for a love like that.

It seems too simple, too poetic, that the point to all I ever do in this life is to love… but isn’t that the point of life? Jesus lived to love. His existence on earth was because of God’s love (“God so loved the world, that He sent His Son…” John 3:16). So God is sending me, in love, to love. And a lot of times, showing love is in the mundane, everyday, simple things; it is in our work, our sweat, the things you do not because they are in that moment beautiful or attractive to you to do, but because you do it in love.

Any job I’ve ever done, I haven’t wanted it to simply be a job. I’ve asked and I’ve sought God; what is my part in being here? What do You have me here for, what is the work You’re doing by placing me here? And it always comes down to love. First, for Him-because everything we do ultimately is unto Him and for His glory, because He loved us and in response, we love Him with all we are and all we do. And second, to share His love. Because once we understand how desperately our own hearts need Him, and how wonderfully He satisfies like nothing or no one else can, it is nearly impossible to keep that contained from spreading it to others.

It’s getting late, and I’m rambling at this point, but I guess I’ll finish with one last thought.

The blessing of my job is not simply how perfectly it fits me, my schedule, what I love, my experience, etc. That’s just God’s goodness and provision in my life, and it is a blessing, but the greater thing to treasure about it is that I have an opportunity to love three little girls with His love. As much as I want to do well in every area of taking care of them, I won’t fail if I seek to love them with God’s heart for them in everything I do. Amidst the Winnie the Pooh stories, heating up bottles, going through the alphabet to the tune of “Who let the dogs out?” (don’t ask, lol), pools and drips of drool, and hanging out with our stuffed zoo animal friends, I get to pray with them, teach them about Jesus, sing praise, teach them about character and show them about love.

In fact, the blessing itself is not even what I get to do. The girls are the blessing. Loving them isn’t ‘work; they are precious and worthy of love and Jesus loves them. Love comes freely when you are able to look at people how He does. “Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a blessing” (Psalm 127:3). Although they are not my children, they are being trusted into my care, and the greatest way to care is to love a person through the eyes of their Creator.

They may ‘just be little children’ but Jesus loves them! He said, “Let the little children come to Me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 19:14).

Not only all of this, but I also know God will do a work in me; He’ll continually grow and teach me along the way. I’m so humbled that God would use me to do this ‘work’ which is truly such a joy. We live to seek His kingdom and righteousness first (Matthew 6:33), and it’s found everywhere we are when we realize the work we do is His work.

When we focus on His work in our work, it becomes an indescribable joy.

We leave the place of striving and find a place of rest and overflow from His heart.