Love: Longing vs. Living

There are times in life when I pause and think about that person. You know, the one you might be with, belong to, love. I sit and wonder if there is someone I will meet someday that will touch my heart and change the rest of my life.

It’s not a name or a face or a particular someone. Just the idea, the thought of them.

And while I think it would be wonderful, and while I think it would be good, it’s not guaranteed that is God’s plan for me. Honestly, a romantic relationship is not a reality in my life. I am at peace with that, and there’s a really good reason why. So I guess that’s why I’m writing about it, to share.

Sometimes I’ve felt lonely, and I wanted companionship and affection. And the best thing to do in that time is not to be self-focused, but others-focused. To see how I can give, and how I can bless, and not just seek to meet my own needs. I realize it is better to trust God, rely on Him, and have faith in Him to provide. He never leaves us wanting (Psalm 23:1).

I honestly think that while it is hard to have desire for a romantic relationship at times and not have one, it’s much harder when I lose perspective. Which is why it’s so important to be close to Him and listen to Him daily, so I can hear His voice and keep my eyes fixed on Him above all else.

I am aware every day is a gift, and to live it to the fullest. I am not promised tomorrow or the next day, and so I should make the most of today, and the time I have now, to life for what really matters. What really matters to me is the day I get to be with Jesus face-to-face, and that I live for eternal, not temporary things. People matter. Their hearts and hurts matter. From beginning to end, they matter.

When it comes down to it, I just want to be faithful with what the Lord has given me now, and thankful. I want to learn how to honor my brothers and sisters in Christ, to build them up, to love them with a pure, deep love from God’s heart. I want to give every breath I have in this body for the kingdom. I want to become more like Christ and introduce who He is to others, that they would know Him. I want to know Him more, so much more.

God has just been showing me that He is inviting me on this incredible journey every day with Him, and if I simply follow as He leads, there is nothing that compares to that. Loving God, being loved by God, and overflowing that love to others. Whether single or in a relationship or married, God be glorified.

I’ve wasted a lot of time on myself and being concerned over getting what I hope to have happen in my life. And really all I care about now is that people know the love of God and live in that reality, that they know who He is, and that it changes their lives forever.

I want to make all the difference I can make, by the power of the Holy Spirit. God has a lot to work on in my heart, I have a lot of growing and maturing to do, but I am willing because it’s worth it. Selfishness has kept me back at times, and I hope no longer that will ever be the case. There are such greater things God has in store, and I am so excited to see what He will do. No, it won’t be easy, but it will be amazing and worth it.

We could spend our days waiting and longing, or we can pursue the Lord with abandon and surrender everything in our lives to His care. It doesn’t mean that longing is gone. It just means it is entrusted in the the one who is Faithful and Good, and I can be at peace knowing that. I can leave it in His hands.

And just watch. He is going to do some incredible things. And it will be better than I could have chosen on my own. It will be better than I can imagine now. Because He is greater, His purposes are greater, and life with Him is abundant.

“I just want to be married and be a mom.”

This is a beautiful, God-given desire that is sweeping through the generation of women I am a part of. I myself feel this way, often.

Yet with all this desire -which I know is good- the timing is misplaced to have it, you know? Marriage is not in my near foreseeable future at all, and in turn, I won’t be having any children anytime soon, either. I know right now is not the season to be spend dwelling on that. I get caught up in it, I do. And I see my sisters in the faith doing the same thing. It truly is an overwhelming desire at times, isn’t it?

The problem with this is getting more consumed in this desire rather than giving all our desire to Christ and allowing our satisfaction to be found in Him alone. It does not mean completely giving up those desires, but submitting them constantly to God and resting them in His capable hands. We may think we do, but all to often these desires can consume us without us realizing it.

See, if what we want is not something God is leading us into now, then it honestly can become a distraction from Him. We spend more time dreaming over hopeful tomorrows than opening our eyes to what God has for us today and where He has placed us now. We should be seeking instead what He desires for us right now, and putting everything into that. The present season you’re in prepares you for the next. It shapes your character and through it He teaches you what you’ll need to know before you move forward. Marriage and children are a blessing and gift from God, and those require stewardship and responsibility.

It may seem redundant at this point, but truly what God is calling us to do is simple: pursue Him, wholeheartedly. We must deny ourselves, to pick up our crosses daily, and follow Christ. Live selflessly, pursue Him, be led by His Words, His example; let Him disciple you into the wife and mother He wants you to be.

It will not look like you expect it to. Think of everything God has led you through; it wasn’t exactly what you expected, was it? And you had to surrender a lot of your own ideas about it along the way, only to find out His were beyond what you could have ever imagined or obtained in your own will or power! Am I right? But first we must decide to completely trust Him.

Many of us women take for granted our singleness. Singleness is a gift! We can become very selfish to be consumed with wanting a man to fulfill our romantic longings, our desires, our dreams, our needs, when no man will ever fulfill us like Christ can! His love for us is perfect, and even in marriage we must find our fulfillment in Him not our husbands. And if you have a mother’s heart, God can use that now to be a blessing, even without having children of your own yet.

In 1 Corinthians 7:34-35 Paul writes, “…An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit…I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.” You have a level of undistracted devotion and freedom while you are single that you will not have once you have a family, so use this season to “be concerned about the Lord’s affairs” and make your aim to “be devoted to the Lord in body and spirit.” Amen? Be thankful you are single and serve the Lord with that! It’s for your good and the good of others, too!

We get caught up in this idea, this dreamy picture of “my love story”, when we are a part of the greatest love story of all time- Jesus Christ and His bride (us)!

It’s not wrong to think about being married someday or being a mom. But allow that to be something to draw you to the foot of the cross, to lay that upon the altar, to draw close to Christ and submit everything of self to Him. “This is one of my most precious, dearest desires and hopes, and I love You most than anything in this world I could ever have, so I give it to You. I trust You with this, and I commit to what You are calling me to now. You are my love and my life, forever and always Lord. I am Yours.”

I want to encourage you to submit every distraction, hope, desire, dream, thought to Christ so you can be undivided in your devotion to Him. Give it to Him and be amazed at what He does with it. Put aside everything and pursue Christ with your all. It will be the most rewarding romance of all. Let nothing consume you like Him. You will never regret it. Be faithful to Him; He is faithful.

What if God has set me aside for the single life?

What if a future husband does not exist in my case?

Recently I was asked this.

I have thought about it before, but I was so thankful right now that someone did ask me that question, because it caused me to think  about it when I needed to, because I was wondering if I will ever meet him. Most of all, I regained reassurance in just the simplicity of surrender in trust, and strengthening in in my faith in God’s and His promises for my life.

All I am, and my life –present and future- is surrendered at the foot of the cross. Whatever sacrifice my life in Christ may cost, I am willing to say “Yes” because He is worthy. My life belongs to my King, who reigns on the throne of my heart. In God’s sovereignty, if I am called to singleness, then I believe God will give me the grace to remain content and joyful in His will. He has sustained me this far, faithfully.

Life with God is awesome. He knows me intimately, more than anyone; especially every need and desire. I have faith He will provide all I need, and in Him, I find all I need.

I also have a thought. Why would God give me the desire for a husband if He didn’t have one for me? Why would He place such unshakeable passion and love for a man that I don’t even know, and put it on my heart to pray for Him all these years?

With the calling God has given me, in ministry and for my purpose in life, I really do need a man in my life who is more than a friend. I will need a husband. And I want one to be with me and a part of my life. I have been preparing for this long to be a good help meet to him, and to be a blessing to him and support him. I have that desire to encourage and inspire a man in the way a wife does. I can’t wait until some day I won’t hold back any more and will be able to.

Part of the ministry God has called me to is encouraging youth and young adults in the area of relationships, and I know I could do this while being single, but I am believing someday I will get to tell them of a love story that was entrusted to and created by God that will encourage them to trust Him with theirs. I also want my husband and I to be an example of how Christ loves His bride, the church. It’s so beautiful; I want to be a part of that.

I am not going to turn into a romantic sap on you, but I really love my husband, and I know he exists. To doubt that would be to lose the hope that God has placed in my heart.

God has set me aside for the single life, up until this moment right now. Will I still be single tomorrow? A month? A year? 5 years? Longer?

Who am I to know?

Only God knows.

I trust Him day by day. I have surrendered –continually- my desires, will, emotions, mind, body, dreams, and hopes to a faithful, trustworthy God who knows me intimately and loves me perfectly. I say “continually”, because sometimes I am weak, and I begin to let those things control me, and I have to re-submit myself to Him.

I think a lot of young women (and young men!) doubt, fear, or begin to despair, after so many years of waiting, that they will be single for life. They ask, “What if…?”

I’ve been there. It’s okay to ask. But I wouldn’t dwell on it.

I am not afraid if that is what is calling me to. I do not need to know now if that is what His will is. All I need to know is what His will is for me now. And submit all I am to that, joyfully. 🙂

I live by faith. I believe God does have a husband for me in the future. Not one prayer, thought, letter, tear, yearning moment, or hopeful thought for him will be wasted.

I believe that with all my heart.

Since I was a young teenager, I have been seeking God and allowing Him to teach, shape, and prepare me to be a Godly wife someday.

My parents, who raised me and have prayed over me every day of my life, have been faithfully praying for my future mate… so they believe he exists. I do too. God put it on their heart to pray for that. My grandparents pray for him. God also has raised up a number of Godly women who have been praying for me and specifically for my future husband! It’s such a blessing. This began around the time God put it on my heart and I began writing letters and praying for my future husband.

I believe my future husband does exist somewhere, right now. Someday we’ll be together.

Singleness is actually a passion of mine. I believe it is a gift and blessing, truly. But marriage is, too.

My most ardent passion, though, is the love story we already have given to us- Jesus Christ and His Bride, the church. So whatever God has for me, I find joy in spending all my life into eternity with the first love of my life, who calls me His Beloved, who I will love forever.

Single or married, my concern isn’t my current relationship status or if it will change. I am not worried about figuring it out. All I want to be consumed with is loving, serving, worshiping, knowing, and living for Jesus Christ.

God won

I’ve been in a season of testing lately. And instead of rejoicing and embracing it, I’ve just felt weak and weary; I’ve wanted escape, rest, a break. God wants me to grow in perseverance. But I want to just be done with it already.

A lot of things have been on my heart. Like, a lot.

It’s like I want to create this serene, comfortable retreat for myself to get away from all this busyness and weariness. I want to just clear out all the extra in my life and focus on what warms my heart the most. What I want is all beautiful, wonderful things I deeply desire.

But it’s all about what I want.

Today, I finally surrendered. I had been struggling to let go of what I want. But God has a plan so much greater for me than I can imagine for myself. All week was like tug of war within me, between what I want and some vague impression of God’s will for me. I struggled to trust Him and not doubt, I was losing hope to hold on and be patient and persevere. That’s because I was more concerned with what was important to me, while wanting at the same time God’s will. But guess what? We can’t have it both ways. We can’t be divided in our hearts. We can’t concentrate on our desires and still be fully surrendered to God’s will.

And a lot of what was holding me back was fear. I wrote about this in my last post.

One of my long-time struggles is my desire for a family someday. I don’t want to surrender the possibility of having a family. I want to be a mother and have daughters and sons of my own. I see families and my heart aches sometimes. A son climbing on his daddy’s back, a daughter holding his hand… I can’t help but think how blessed they are, and how much I want that someday. And I doubt that I will ever meet the Godly man I’m hoping for, the right one, and even if I do, that he would choose me and pursue me in the way I wish a man would. When I actually tell other this, they think I’m being ridiculous.

As a disclaimer, though, usually I am honestly content in singleness and find great joy in it; I know the purpose of why I am. I’m truly thankful for being single. Sometimes, after waiting so long, I begin to doubt what I am hoping for is going to happen. Or that it can’t be as awesome as I pray it will be. I apologize if this is too personal, I’m just being real. I’m hoping if anyone reads this, you can relate even if what is important to you right now is different.

Through this all, I’ve been praying fervently. I’ve been seeking God to help me overcome my selfishness, my weakness, this battle within where I can’t seem to let go of my desires and trust Him completely with them. I know I should.

Tonight, I wrote this in my journal as a wake-up for myself.

Stop fighting God. Surrender. Give up your fears. Don’t be afraid. Are you ready to stop battling between your desires and what you know God is calling you to? Say yes already! He’s good. You can trust Him. Completely. Stop letting the deceiver entice you with the things of this world. None of it compares to walking intimately with Christ. You can be free. You just have to let go of everything but Jesus.

I want my heart to shout: “I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ!” (Philippians 3:8) and mean it with all my heart, no reservation. Friends, there is such freedom in that!  No holding back.

I worshiped to the song “Ready Now” by Desperation Band tonight. If you listen to it, you’ll hear the first verse and chorus of the lyrics are:

You come as You promised You would

I want to surrender for good

I know that I need You

And I don’t want to keep living life alone

Take my heart

And make it new

And make it true

Make like You

Take my hands

I lift them high

They’re Yours not mine to do

Do what You will, do what You will

I’m ready now, I’m ready now, I’m ready now

Do what You will

Are we ready to say “God, do what You will”? Are we willing to give up our lives and live as if our greatest gain is Christ and nothing else? I am done letting other things compete with my desire for God’s will. I want Him. I want Him more.

There was this battle inside my heart.

God won.

“My heart was saying, “Lord, take away this longing, or give me that for which I long.” The Lord was answering, “I must teach you to long for something better.” – Elisabeth Elliot, Passion and Purity