My summer adventure in Prishtina

One week from today I will be in Prishtina, Kosovo!

Studying Abroad I am studying abroad this summer in Kosovo (it’s a country in Southeastern Europe) taking 8 credits at AUK (American University of Kosovo) through Miami University of Ohio. You can check out more about the courses I’m taking and the program on the website here.

Journalism Internship

I also will be doing an internship with KosovaLive, a highly respected independent news agency based in Prishtina that publishes daily online, in English and Albanian. I’m really excited because I want to learn and grow so much more as a journalist and in my writing skills, and this is exactly what I need to do that.

KosovaLive newsroom

The internship will be rigorous and challenging, we will work hard everyday, but we also get a lot of opportunities that most journalism undergrads taking their internship in the States wouldn’t get. The program director told me in our first conversation, “One day you could be interviewing a waitress, then that same evening, interviewing the President of the country.” (Slightly intimidating, mostly thrilling to hear). I won’t just be fact-checking, researching, or doing odd-end jobs for the news agency. We will be interviewing, writing and editing articles that will be published! Real journalism. I’ve written for my University’s student newspaper since my freshman year of college, so I do feel prepared. I know where I want to improve and my strengths as well. The editors and my journalism professors will be able to work with us one-on-one on our articles. After completing this internship, it will be good to put on my resume and to secure job opportunities. Overall this is such a valuable experience, I know I will learn and grow so much in my skills as a journalist.

Video: Clarification and Responses

I realized that the video I made sharing about this trip -although straight from my heart- confused a couple people. So here is to clear up a few things, in case it got muddled for you.

http://youtu.be/UCMOpmBK0L8

I’m not going to Kosovo on a typical “missions trip.” Yet, I do consider it a mission trip because everywhere we go to be an opportunity to shine our light and share the gospel through our character, action, words, lives. Several non-Christians who saw the video -which was intended for my Christian friends and family, asking for support and prayers- didn’t exactly understand what my heart was. They were sending me warnings like, “Don’t bring Christianity to Kosova, we don’t want it” (only stronger language) and,

“You do realize that the predominant religion in Kosovo is Islam right? And for you to try and bring Christianity to them and make it seem as if it the way that they should too would not get you a warm welcome there.”

I realized I had to overcome the fear of offending people, of miscommunicating, or just turning people off. I should not worry, because the Holy Spirit will speak through me, He will direct my words and help me to speak the truth in love. (Ephesians 4:15). As a Christian, my purpose in going to Kosovo is very “evangelistic”, in the sense that I have such a strong yearning in my heart for everyone to know God is real and to know His life-changing love. I love the truth, I know how my life and who I am has been completely changed by it.

My “mission” comes down to this:

I’m just going to love and get to know people and be myself. I am a follower of Christ and have a personal relationship with Him, so I am not going to change what defines me most or hide it if it comes up. I would rather listen and seek to understand people. I want to get to know people, not change them. I respect people’s personal beliefs. My desire isn’t to offend people or push my beliefs on them, ever. That is isn’t well-received in any country. I just want to love people and continue to live for God like I do everyday.

I’ve been very humbled as I have learned more about how I should be presenting Christ in a Muslim nation. I have been reading about Islam so I can gain a better understanding than my basic knowledge, since 93% of Kosovo’s people claim Islam as their religion. I have doubled my time in God’s Word and have been spending a lot of time in prayer. All I have to do is continue seeking the Lord, learning how to love, gaining wisdom through the Word, and allow the Holy Spirit to work in and through me. Anything that happens will be because of the work of the Holy Spirit, not me. Anything that happens will be His idea, not mine. Everything that happens will be for His purposes and for His glory. And I’m excited to see what God will do! All ministry flows out of having a personal, intimate relationship with our Heavenly Father, being attentive, obedient, and humble. God is filling me up daily so He will overflow out of me!

Travel Journals

Most of you know that I write frequently on my WordPress blog (this blog, haha!). If you scroll to the bottom of the page, there is a footer where you can subscribe to my blog by entering your email address and receive notifications of new posts by email.

I have set a goal to write and post at least once a week. If you want to keep up with my trip, what’s happening, what I’m learning, what God is teaching me, I would love for you to read about it and share your responses! I know I am going to learn so much, and already have been. I will have so many stories to share. I also will update with photographs and some video, so you can see what it’s like there. As you all know, I love capturing everything with both my words and my camera.

Praises! Thank you all for your prayers!

• Financially, I had to take out a loan to pay for the trip, but I am so happy because I get to go! God is going to provide and I know He is faithful, I have no need to worry about paying it off. A few people have given money toward my trip and that touched my heart so much.
• I had been praying for awhile that God would provide at least one other Christian for me to connect with while I am in Kosovo for the next two months. Through friends of mine, I found out there is a missionary couple at the American Univeristy I will be studying at! I am trying to get in touch with them now. Even if they come home for the summer, they are connected to a group of young adults who meet to worship every week. WOW! I cannot explain how awesome it is that I may get to meet with Albanian believers while I am there! Praise God!

Prayers

If you want to continue to pray for me, here are my requests

Prishtina

– Protection from the attacks of the enemy against me, and safety in our travels Prishtina

– The other students going with me: AJ, John, Jordan, Mary, Megan, Carl, our supervisor/Prof Ed, Alex and Doug.

– The students staying in the dorms are from all over the world and the locals are mostly Muslim. Prayer for opportunities to share Christ and show His love.

– That the Holy Spirit would minister to and through me, that I would be attentive, obedient, bold, and hear His voice

– That my relationship with Christ would continue to deepen with greater intimacy :]

Thanks for reading, I know it was long, but there was a lot to catch up on! I am so excited! I will be leaving the United States on June 13 from Indianapolis Airport, flying to Washington Dallas, flying to Munich Germany, and then landing in Prishtina, Kosovo the next day, where I will stay until August 9. I will miss you all!! I’m so excited to go on this adventure with God, He is always doing these unexpected things that are better than I can even imagine!

With love,

Breanna

Contact

The only way you will be able to contact me in Kosovo is through Skype or email. Sending things in the mail isn’t an option; it won’t get to me. Calling my cell phone is a bad idea, I won’t have it- I will have a temporary phone, which is very expensive to call the States with. Just ask for my Skype or Email (if I know you), and I we can stay in touch this summer!

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

I haven’t written in awhile, and so much has happened.

Right now I am sitting by a window, cracked open about a foot so I can feel the cool storm breeze. A siren was blaring, but faded and now just the drizzle of the rain fills my ears. Lightening flashes for a moment, and thunder is rolling deeply through the clouds. I find the storm relaxing, even calming as I sit on my bed and write.

I just moved into the north townhouses, which actually are male, but girls like me are living in them for this week. Tomorrow I will wake up at 6:30 am and go to the TV Station to work. We are covering the NAIA Track and Field Nationals, which my college is hosting the rest of this week. The majority of the next three days I will be outside (most likely in the hot sun!) operating a large TV camera at all the various events. I’m actually looking forward to it a lot. Not only do I get paid, which I need money right now, but I also get to work with some really awesome people (including one of my best friends) on TV crew, and then possibly God will open up opportunities to talk or pray with the athletes/people at this huge event. God has given me such a desire to see people physically healed, so maybe I will get to pray for some of the athletes if they have an injury. I just want to see the Holy Spirit moving through me, even if I’m working TV crew.

During May I was taking a 4-credit class, Environment and Society, and I can check off my required science lab. My professor was great. He had a fun sense of humor, told us stories, and has traveled all over the world. Even though the class was four hours long, I enjoyed it. For some of our assignments, we blew huge bubbles (out of bubble gum), made animals out of clay, looked at stuff under a microscope, drew, constructed bluebird houses, ran all over campus in teams; we visited a sewage plant, went hiking through beautiful woods, and we went geocaching. There was a lot more that happened, including my birthday! I turned 22 years old, and my friends threw me a surprise birthday party (I mentioned it in this post).

Group Bible Study

One of the most incredible things about May Term was that God put it on my heart to have a Bible Study again (my friend Jason and I had led one last year, and I just remembered how God really showed up and blessed it, so I wanted to do it again), and God showed up in amazing ways. The Lord just told me not to do it just once a week on Fridays, but twice a week, on Tuesdays as well. At first I thought, this is going to be to much, right? And then I realized that we would all only have several weeks together anyways, so we should meet more often. God provided my friend DLH to lead worship and it was so anointed. On my birthday he couldn’t come so I led worship on my guitar (which I have never gotten to do before!). Our second-to-last Bible Study, I felt like we should focus on commissioning, so we prayed specifically over each person with the focus of sending them out and blessing them for this summer where God will be placing them. It was so encouraging and powerful!

The last Bible Study was so fitting. About five of us met up and went outside to an open grassy area on campus, my friend Aaron played my guitar, and we worshipped God as the sun set, it’s golden rays highlighting all of nature around us. It was truly beautiful and awesome to worship God while surrounded by His creation.

The vision for the Bible Study was rooted in Hebrews 10:23-25

“Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”

This is so vital to us as believers, that we stay in community, that we meet together so we can focus on God, worship Him, share testimonies and praise Him, encourage and build up one another, challenge one another in the faith and being much-needed support. Every time I left Bible Study, I was in awe of how the Holy Spirit ministered and how the presence of God was so evident. I could go on for a long time with testimonies about it, but I will just say God did amazing things, and I am still praising Him for it!

Looking ahead to what’s next, I am going to Kosovo this summer. I am studying abroad and doing a journalism internship for the two months I will be living there. Because this post is really long already, I won’t go into it right now, but if you would like to know more about it, I share about it in this video. In less than three weeks I will be in Southeastern Europe! Wow! These plans have tested my faith so much. I am trusting God as my Provider, all the finances will come through! I will be writing about the trip a lot on this blog, with travel journals, and updating with videos and photographs, too!

Upcoming Posts: I am reading Ephesians 4, everyday for forty days. The first day it convicted me and was just what I needed to read, so I look forward to writing a post about that. I also want to share with you about what God did through my class during May Term, because He revealed Himself in a mighty, new way to me through it. I hope it will encourage and speak to you, too.

Thanks for reading my blog and updates. Let me know your thoughts, and especially if you want to pray for or give to my Kosovo travels.

it’s not what the future holds, but Who holds the future.

Today I got a call from World Next Door, and they didn’t choose me for the internship. They were kind enough to encourage me that  they love my writing, photography, enthusiasm, but wanted interns with more experiences with social justice and intercultural experiences. I prayed, you prayed, everyone prayed. We prayed for God’s clear direction and for His will to be done. So it was! I am so excited for those who do get to go and be interns with World Next Door this summer, even though I want so deeply still to go. I was so sure that this was what God had for me this summer. I did get invited to apply next year, so maybe I can go then if God leads me to apply.

As soon as I heard the answer, I began sobbing. I was trying to be quiet while I listened because I was still on the phone with them, but I honestly could barely talk to say goodbye. Then I went into my room and sobbed for over an hour, I wished I could have stopped but I couldn’t. If you’ve ever felt your heart break, that’s what I was feeling. Even while I was crying til my eyes hurt, I had such peace, even joy amidst the sadness. I even smiled while I was sobbing; it’s hard to explain. Finally, I thankfully fell asleep until I meeting I had to go to.

I now know the feeling of having your dreams crushed…but, because that dream was already surrendered to God, I am more than fine! He has given me surpassing peace and JOY 🙂 I honestly could probably use a hug, but my heart is being held in the hands of the Almighty, and I feel so loved and thankful.

I just now got back from worshiping God on the piano, and the song that hit me in the heart is the one I play everyday (It’s All About You). As I sang, “Jesus, I want You to know I will follow You all of my days“, I couldn’t finish it because I began crying; I realize how deep my desire is to just follow Jesus, no matter where He leads, and that is really what I am doing.

Biblegateway.com is my homepage on my browser, so whenever I get on the internet, the first thing I read is the verse of the day.

Today’s verse was Jeremiah 29:11-13.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”

Isn’t that amazing? What an awesome promise from God, and what perfect timing for that to be the verse for today.

So, to end on a very exciting and less heavy note…

The meeting mentioned was for an opportunity God just provided today! I just found out through an all-campus email that there were openings on a ministry trip for Spring Break, and God basically told me to go for it. So, I am going on a trip to Atlanta, Georgia for Spring Break! I leave next Saturday, and I’m already really looking forward to it! It only will cost $210 for traveling, food, and housing expenses (for a week and a half!).

What will I be doing?

URBAN MINISTRY! In the mornings my group will be helping at a food bank, mostly sorting food. Then we will go to a Nursing Home and just talk to the residents there, play bingo, love on them. After lunch we will have an hour of “prep time” before a bunch of inner city kids (mostly Hispanic and from very bad neighborhoods) show up. We’ll be outside and rotate leading 3-4 different stations: lessons (like devotionals), crafts, and games. In the evenings will go to the Croc Center (and I didn’t catch the details about that) and Colony South Trailer Park. After dinner, we’ll meet up in our small groups to talk about the day. Two nights a week we will go out at night (around 8-11 pm) to provide water canteens and food for the homeless.

I am so excited for what God is going to do, how I will grow and learn, and just to love on all these people I will meet and interact with! I plan to write and take lots of pictures, so I can share this experience and all that God does!

I do not know what the future holds for this summer, but I am trusting God. I’m joyfully expectant to see what He is going to do.

I am so thankful that I have learned that it’s not what the future holds, but Who holds the future.

And I know Who holds my future. God, Who has all power, the most incredible imagination, and perfect love.

the most powerful way to live.

Obviously, I haven’t posted in awhile (a week seems like a really long time!). My dead laptop is still awaiting a new charger cord. But I am back for today (using my family desktop computer while it’s still silent in the house)!

I had so many awesome expectations for this summer! I sought God’s will, He revealed it, I accepted it, and I determined to carry out what He placed on my heart to do. Yet here I am, towards the end of my summer, and I see that things still didn’t go the way I thought they would.

Mostly I know that is a good thing. A little part of me is disappointed, I feel like I could have done better.

It feels almost like a failed mission. Let me explain: I thought I would selflessly serve my family, set an example of unconditional love, and make a difference. But there were times I was struggling to connect deeply with God, there were days when I would just watch TV for hours because I was bored (even though I hate watching TV and am against it, it’s a waste of time and not beneficial to my relationship with Christ). It humbles me to admit this because I hate that I made the lesser decision.

This summer I experienced deep pain in my heart so many times from those I loved most. I was criticized and put down. I spent a lot of time alone, which is opposite of what I like. It was hard to go through so many trials with hardly ever having anyone except God to understand or have compassion. I began to turn inward, thinking of my pain and disappointment, and I kept noticing more things I was dissatisfied with. I felt uncared for more times than I would like to admit. My focus would shift to self instead of Christ. I tried, but there were times when I struggled to seek God daily. For me, that’s the worst thing that could happen in my life. Time in the secret place is vital to my relationship with Christ! 🙂

So, to cut the negatives short: there were so many trials outwardly, and many inward storms where I wrestled to figure out what was going on and why. In these times I wondered what God was doing and I felt like I was wasting my time because I lacked what only He could give me. I kept thinking, God, I know what I am supposed to do but it’s not happening. I need Your help. But things continued to stay the same.

Going through hard times alone was not the problem as much as when I was seeking God to help me through, I didn’t feel like He was answering. Thankfully I did not give up but kept pursuing what was in His heart for me, and then when I grabbed hold of it, it practically exploded my mind (in a EXCITING, GOOD way) haha! And I want to say, God and I had amazing times together, He grew me so much and has been working in amazing ways. In every dark moment of hurt, confusion, doubt, fear, loneliness, (etc) God was there with me. I cried out to Him because usually He was the only one there I could speak to. And He answered, He touched my heart, and He showed me again and again how His love and truth can conquer anything I battle.

Today, I look at how my summer has been spent and I am at peace. I would have changed some things if I could have. But that’s the thing- I can’t, I couldn’t. I had no control, and I still don’t. Now I see that through each moment, God was revealing to me something about who I am and who He is! That’s what this is all about. Being. Not doing. The reason I had such a hard time with the trials was because my identity in Christ was not a the forefront of my mind, nor was I thinking about Who He is. I was more concentrated on how I felt and what had happened. And I knew it, but when I was getting more messages about who I am that were negative and tearing me down, well…that affected who I believed I was. I needed that confidence that Christ gives me in my identity, the one that makes me unshakable no matter what! The biggest difference between being home at summer and being at college is not even how people treated me or what I spent my time doing or the trials I went through. The feelings and situations that I experienced this summer happened on campus, too. The difference was I was firm and confident in what I knew to be the truth about who God says I am and who He is in me!

My desires to please God are from a pure heart of love for Him. I am always seeking God to show me His purposes for me, my next assignment, what He wants me to do.

I love when God reveals new revelations and instructs me in His ways, but sometimes I try to own them like it’s something I have to do. I become responsible to carry them out to my best ability.

And that’s where I get in trouble.

Because no matter how determined I am, no matter how much I desire to do it right, to follow the plan- I prove myself that I can’t do it. I screw it up or maybe even fail. But the difference is all in one letter: “I”. I can’t do anything, and even while seeking His grace and strength to enable me, I still am doing it because it’s what I have to do. I know, I have the plan, and I am going after it. The bad thing about that mindset is it’s all about me controlling myself and willing myself to do something. Even Paul said in Romans 7:15. “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.” If you feel this way, like I did at times, check out Romans 7 and 8.

Thankfully, there is an even better, simpler way to live out God’s will for your life.

Just remain faithful in humbly seeking God everyday out of your love for Him with your all, to know Him more. Continue to walk in His grace in guidance. Seek out what the Spirit desires and just say NO to the flesh. Do not forget your identity in Christ, who He says you are!

That is the most powerful way to live.

ruth makes it look so easy.

The book of Ruth in the Bible is only 4 Chapters long, but there is so much to glean from reading it.

I’ve been really drawn toward reading Ruth and so today I did (as I began eating my dinner; still working on finishing my wrap because I’m more interested in sharing what Ruth showed me!).

Basically, here’s a “short version” paragraph about the story:

There is a woman named Noami, who marries a man and has two sons. They moved from Judah to Moab, and Noami’s husband dies. Her sons marry two Moabites: Orpah and Ruth. After ten years, both Noami’s sons die. She tells her daughter-in-laws to go home to their mothers and re-marry. Eventually Orpah agrees, but Ruth “clung to [Noami]” (Ruth 1:14). Ruth commits everything she is to Noami, determined not to leave her: “May the Lord deal with me, ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me.” (Ruth 1:17). They move back to Judah. Ruth gleans from a field to provide food for Noami and herself, behind the servants. Basically she’s scrapping any leftovers. And from there on out, God works in amazing ways and blessing them, especially Ruth- with a new husband and home! Just read it. Like I said, it’s only four 20-verse chapters.

I am just amazed because Ruth commits so strongly to Noami. She clings to her. Ruth just lays aside all the needs she may have, all the things she could have sought out for herself -a home, comfort, rest, a new husband. Instead she reaches out to Noami and selflessly devotes herself to being there, supporting her, and doing whatever is needed. She doesn’t even have a job, she just makes a way to bring home a little food to feed their stomachs. She takes care of Noami, because she can’t gather food herself and most likely wouldn’t remarry because of her old age. Ruth is aware of Noami’s needs and moves to act and meet those needs. And her attitude is completely out of caring for Noami, not for her own gain or reputation or to be noticed for her acts. But she eventually is- and gains great blessing because of it.

I would love to be like Ruth right now. If I jumped in her shoes, I think it would be difficult to walk in them the way she did.

And yet here I am, trying them on. I can see how I could choose to be like Ruth today.

I have a story, too. It’s different, but has some parallels.

As my mom drove me back to campus, we discussed my summer plans. All semester I have continued to say, “I don’t want to go home. Not unless this, this, and this change.”I rattled off the different challenges that I can’t deal with, that discourage me and ruined last summer, that made it so hard and drove me crazy most days. “I can’t go through that again. I can’t have you nagging me about a job all the time, I can’t be without a car to drive. I need to be independent. I can’t stand  to be in a house where everyone is glued to a computer or television set or game and I am completely ignored. I hate living in a house and feeling like nobody even cares and hardly notices I’m there.”

Mom gets discouraged, wishing things were better, but knowing lately they’ve only been slanting downhill. The circumstances and possibility for change seems hopeless.

And then I try to figure out, what can I do besides being home? I love my family, but being around them all the time with things only staying the same or worsening is depressing.

And then I’m reading Ruth, and God’s shining a light on the darkness I see. He’s showing me: Breanna, you are looking at all these problems. But really there is only one problem. Can you see it?”

Yes. I see.

The problem is, these are all things that are problems for me. Me. Me. Me. How many times to I point to my needs, my wants, my “qualifiers”. “If things were this way, then…”

Why do I have to demand things to be “just” this? Why am I so focused on having things be the way I want them?

I have an opportunity to be selfless, to look beyond my own needs and wishes, and not dwell on the circumstances. I have an opprotunity to stay committed to the ones I love, even when they can’t help me or be who I might need to help meet my needs.

Why am I striving to be in the best circumstances? Are not the trials and hard times there to challenge our faith in God to bring good out of the bad?

I have to pray about this, but I don’t think I should be searching other places to go this summer. I don’t need to find a better or more comfortable or easier place to live. I need to ask God where He wants me.

“But Ruth replied, “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you will go I will go, and where you will stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God.” (Ruth 1:16)

Lastly, as a side note: (in a clear sense to me and a shrouded one to you), I feel that I can even relate to this story in the way that if I was Ruth, my sister would be Orpah. And it just makes this story so much realer to me.

Ruth makes it look so easy, but maybe when you are selfless, it’s just natural to respond the way she did.