fight the good fight!

I have been so down on myself and pretty self-centered the last two days. I have been struggling with loneliness and feeling unloved or cared about. Completely not myself. I always find satisfaction and delight in God’s love and presence, yet I have been struggling to even believe He loves me. So wrong, and so off-track. And I knew it. But I was discouraged.

I wrote tonight to Him, “I want to run to Your arms, but don’t have the strength to get there.” I’ve really just been feeling like I just want Him to come to me and do something to show me He loves me. God, help my unbelief. I always know You love me, and it touches me in such deep ways. Yet all of the sudden I’m so weak?

My strength will fail, no matter how hard I try to stay strong. Thankfully I kept seeking Him. I kept drawing near, hoping He would, too. I randomly started checking out Christian blogs on WordPress, then I found a few young adults who wrote about God. One page linked to another, and I was reading an “About Me” page. I know this is ridiculous, but I’m quoting it (here’s the link to his blog):

For those of you who don’t know me. My name is David Shields. I am an 18 year old student at Liberty University in Lynchburg, Virginia. I have lived most of my life afraid to take a stand for righteousness and for the Kingdom. I have given my life to the King of Kings, the God of the Bible. It is my hearts cry to see men and women truly seek after Christ and to be filled with the Holy Spirit. The church needs shaken and this world needs a revival. I am seeking to change the world. Not because I can in it of myself, but because that is the cry God has placed in my heart. Run with me if you wish, but be warned. I am not running a light race or talking about cute things. I’m charging the very gates of hell no matter who is with me. You in?

This is the passion and excitement for God I feel and am used to being around. But when I am on my own like lately, fanning the flame has been going fine until yesterday when I just crashed. This child of God -David- is even three years younger than me, but He is so on fire for God! And it sparked something in my limp heart. His eyes are not on himself, they are on God. My heart’s cry that God gave me is (word for word the same as what he wrote) to see men and women truly seeking after Christ and to be filled with the Holy Spirit! In two months I will be a Hall Chaplain and it’s like I’ve forgotten that blessing and God’s call for me to do something amazing like that! Thanks God for David. Thanks for letting me see my identity in Christ again through someone who is living theirs. I read his words and I’m like, that me! And I know that I have not been focused on that. I’ve been deceived by the devil that I am worthless, my life doesn’t make a difference, and nobody cares about me. I’ve been missing people. There are plenty of people who would be with me and I would stop being so selfish and actually call them to join me as I join with what God is doing!

Community is in Christ.

The boldness in David’s words remind me of myself when I am standing strong in Christ. The enemy has tried to steal my joy (the joy of the Lord is my strength! [Nehemiah 8:10]) and make me feel so bad about myself that I feel God can’t use me and I lose my boldness.

All I know is I must not let go of Paul’s exhortation. I will fight the good fight of the faith and take hold of the eternal life to which I am called! [1 Timothy 6:12, 1 Timothy 1:18]

The devil wants to discourage us and make us weak and get our eyes on ourselves. God causes us to rise up, He gives us strength and focuses on the Truth! Do NOT believe the devil’s lies. The TRUTH is: you are loved, you are treasured, you have worth, you have a purpose; God can use you in MIGHTY ways. Be bold in your identity in Christ!

Don’t give up. Fight the good fight, take hold! Be taken up with the things of God.

the day her dreams came true.

I’m not sure how to begin writing this entry, there is so much I want to say. I always begin by just writing honestly from where I sit, how I’m thinking in the moment.

I’m grateful. Humbled. In awe. Excited. Absolutely touched inside. Joyful with hope. And even feeling a twinge of unworthiness of such an honor.

I was asked to serve as Residence Hall Chaplain for Martin Hall during Fall 2010-2011!

I accepted gratefully and excitedly. I had been waiting patiently for five, six days to hear whether I was chosen for the position. After the second interview, I was positive about how I was able to express my heart and how they received me. After days of no notification of if I was or wasn’t going to be a hall chaplain, I feel like God used that time to further prepare my heart to be at peace and trust Him completely if I did not get it. I’m thankful for that. Now I ave to figure out who I will be rooming with and who my suite-mates will be- I have NO clue yet!

But I don’t want to write about the experience. I want to thank God and give Him glory. I want to express how much this answered prayer means to me. You could never know how much, because there is so much I couldn’t even begin to dive into and share. I am so humbled that God has willed such an amazing opportunity I gave into His hands and that He will use me in this way.

“Come and see the works of God, He is awesome in His doing towards the sons of men”! (Psalm 66:5).
I have had five prophecies since last semester that really confirmed this is what God has been leading me into, and that this is truly where He wants me to be. I feel like a dream came true because this is the way I would love to lead and serve on this campus and it fits me like perfectly. He has been preparing me for a long time for this. I am so grateful and humble to be able to accept the opportunity.

For those of you who are still praying for God for guidance or trusting Him about things you are patiently waiting direction or an answer on, I hope these verses will encourage you and become realized as deep truths for your life (as they are in mine)!

“Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” (Psalm 37:4)
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths.”(Prov.3:5-6)