2010, all for Him.

It’s a new year!

I went through 2 1/4 journals and 126 WordPress posts today, which is just about all my writing from 2010.

I divided a word document under a header for each month of the year and wrote 1 sentence summaries of what I was going through, what God taught me, and things I was a part of that were highlights of that month. I wrote a several key verses and songs that really helped me through that month and impacted me. I also added up how many songs I wrote (that I wrote down, there were so many more I didn’t record).

I tried my hardest to keep it brief and short, and it still ended up being 13 pages.

Thank You God for all You did, all You brought me through, and that You inspired me in so many ways through worship and writing! You are worthy of all praise! Glory to Your name alone!

2010 in summary

WordPress posts: 126

Poems: 10

Songs written on the piano: 25

Songs written on the guitar: 12

Top songs to play/listen to: “Lovesick” and “I Surrender” by Misty Edwards, “Forever Reign” by Hillsong, “I need You more” by Kim Walker, “Where You go I go” by Kim Walker, “Your Beautiful” by Phil Wickham

Top Key Verses: Romans 9:16,  Nahum 1:7, Luke 9:23, Psalm 73:26, Titus 3:4, Luke 10:2

Top Books read: “Crazy Love” by Francis Chan, “Jesus Freaks” by VOM, Set-Apart Feminity (for like the 8^th time) by Leslie Ludy, Rachel’s Tears (story of Columbine Martyr Rachel Joy Scott), Secrets of  the Secret Place by Bob Sorge

2010 was a hard year for me, but every time I faced a new trial, or something was out of control in my life, I was thrusted into a new level of trust and dependence on God. I grew so much and God taught me so much and my character was refined. He blessed me with friends I really needed and so many amazing opportunities. I experienced incredible times in His presence and being loved by my Heavenly Father. I was continually humbled. I learned how to praise Him even when things were out of my control or I wanted to just stay feeling down. I gained more boldness in Him and learned how to participate more in community. I opened up a lot more. He used me even when I was broken to minister to others. It was an awesome year of being loved, loving Him with my all, and loving others And I praise God!

fight the good fight!

I have been so down on myself and pretty self-centered the last two days. I have been struggling with loneliness and feeling unloved or cared about. Completely not myself. I always find satisfaction and delight in God’s love and presence, yet I have been struggling to even believe He loves me. So wrong, and so off-track. And I knew it. But I was discouraged.

I wrote tonight to Him, “I want to run to Your arms, but don’t have the strength to get there.” I’ve really just been feeling like I just want Him to come to me and do something to show me He loves me. God, help my unbelief. I always know You love me, and it touches me in such deep ways. Yet all of the sudden I’m so weak?

My strength will fail, no matter how hard I try to stay strong. Thankfully I kept seeking Him. I kept drawing near, hoping He would, too. I randomly started checking out Christian blogs on WordPress, then I found a few young adults who wrote about God. One page linked to another, and I was reading an “About Me” page. I know this is ridiculous, but I’m quoting it (here’s the link to his blog):

For those of you who don’t know me. My name is David Shields. I am an 18 year old student at Liberty University in Lynchburg, Virginia. I have lived most of my life afraid to take a stand for righteousness and for the Kingdom. I have given my life to the King of Kings, the God of the Bible. It is my hearts cry to see men and women truly seek after Christ and to be filled with the Holy Spirit. The church needs shaken and this world needs a revival. I am seeking to change the world. Not because I can in it of myself, but because that is the cry God has placed in my heart. Run with me if you wish, but be warned. I am not running a light race or talking about cute things. I’m charging the very gates of hell no matter who is with me. You in?

This is the passion and excitement for God I feel and am used to being around. But when I am on my own like lately, fanning the flame has been going fine until yesterday when I just crashed. This child of God -David- is even three years younger than me, but He is so on fire for God! And it sparked something in my limp heart. His eyes are not on himself, they are on God. My heart’s cry that God gave me is (word for word the same as what he wrote) to see men and women truly seeking after Christ and to be filled with the Holy Spirit! In two months I will be a Hall Chaplain and it’s like I’ve forgotten that blessing and God’s call for me to do something amazing like that! Thanks God for David. Thanks for letting me see my identity in Christ again through someone who is living theirs. I read his words and I’m like, that me! And I know that I have not been focused on that. I’ve been deceived by the devil that I am worthless, my life doesn’t make a difference, and nobody cares about me. I’ve been missing people. There are plenty of people who would be with me and I would stop being so selfish and actually call them to join me as I join with what God is doing!

Community is in Christ.

The boldness in David’s words remind me of myself when I am standing strong in Christ. The enemy has tried to steal my joy (the joy of the Lord is my strength! [Nehemiah 8:10]) and make me feel so bad about myself that I feel God can’t use me and I lose my boldness.

All I know is I must not let go of Paul’s exhortation. I will fight the good fight of the faith and take hold of the eternal life to which I am called! [1 Timothy 6:12, 1 Timothy 1:18]

The devil wants to discourage us and make us weak and get our eyes on ourselves. God causes us to rise up, He gives us strength and focuses on the Truth! Do NOT believe the devil’s lies. The TRUTH is: you are loved, you are treasured, you have worth, you have a purpose; God can use you in MIGHTY ways. Be bold in your identity in Christ!

Don’t give up. Fight the good fight, take hold! Be taken up with the things of God.